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When daddy won’t do EC: How to get your husband on board with toilet training (and possibly save your marriage)

when daddy won't do EC

When two partners don't see eye to eye on parenting decisions, it can make things really hard. Today's episode is all about what to do when daddy won't do elimination communication: how to get your husband on board with infant toilet training.

What do you do if you are the only one in your family who is excited about elimination communication? What if your husband only wants to practice EC in certain situations, but not in public? It can be a frustrating situation to be flying solo with EC, on top of everything else you do every day, mama.

And, worse yet, maybe your husband won’t follow any of your suggestions around baby care, or refuses to help you with ANY of the baby-raising, ever. For this, we may have a deeper problem and we will address that today as well (you know if this is you, and I have a marriage-saver for you in this episode, don’t worry).

It can feel like a little hopeless to not have hubs on board with pottying your baby, but there are some things that you can try that might just INSPIRE hubs to team up, for baby’s sake! We’ll cover allll of that today, and more.

(And if you’re not married, feel free to apply this episode to any type of male-identified or male partner here, baby-daddy...whatever you like.)

Today I’ll share:

  • How even my husband, Mr. Go Diaper Free, has refused to do EC in the past/present
  • Tips for talking to your partner about EC
  • How to set up  success
  • How to avoid negative pressure
  • How to find something that works together
  • What to do if your partner still isn't on board
  • A couple of tips from listeners

Links and other resources mentioned today:

Video: A Dad's Take on Elimination Communication

Download the Transcript

If you can't listen to this episode right now (um, sleeping baby!?) and read the transcript here:

Transcript download: When daddy won’t do EC

Watch the Video Version

If you want to watch me record today’s podcast episode, you can do that on my youtube version right here:

Thanks for Listening!

To help out the show and help more parents find out about EC:

  • Leave an honest review on iTunes. Your ratings and reviews really help and I read each one.
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  • Share your thoughts by leaving a note in the comments section below!

Do you have any tips for talking about EC with your man (or, daddies, any suggestions for us mamas)? Please leave a comment below!

I look forward to chatting with you in the comments.

xx Andrea

Andrea Olson

About Andrea Olson

I'm Andrea and I spend most of my time with my 6 children (all under 12 yo) and the rest of my time teaching other new parents how to do Elimination Communication with their 0-18 month babies. I love what I do and try to make a difference in one baby or parent's life every single day. (And I love, love, love, mango gelato.)


  1. Avatar Mary on October 29, 2019 at 12:00 pm

    I think the main motivator for my husband is how much money saved on not buying disposable diapers. He is so impressed at how few diapers diapers we’ve purchased. Now our 19 month old is pottying day and night, and the last box of diapers (pullups) I bought in July… I still have over half left! We have pottied three kiddos so far, and I hope to potty this fourth one from as close to birth as possible. I’ve talked to mamas who’ve ec’ed their babies, but when they got to 4 or 5 kiddos, went the diaper route. We’ve actually found ec is easier than diapers because we’re more tuned in to baby’s needs and using the potty takes so much less time than a complete baby overhaul after a blowout. Thanks Andrea! You’re encouragement and information makes all the difference!!

    • Avatar Andrea Olson on November 11, 2019 at 12:18 am

      Hi Mary! That’s fantastic! EC really does save money. I agree, it is easier than full time diaper use. I am so glad to have helped you on your EC journey! xx Andrea

  2. Avatar Isadora on October 30, 2019 at 9:10 am

    My husband doesn’t do too much with the kids pottying when they’re babies (under age 1) but he’s always the first one to jump out of bed at night if my toddlers need something. He’s also been very supportive of the whole endeavor from the get go.

    • Avatar Andrea Olson on November 11, 2019 at 12:20 am

      Hi Isadora! Sometimes people are more comfortable helping young toddlers with the potty It is so great that your husband takes point at night, that gives you a much needed break. xx Andrea

  3. Avatar Allison on November 11, 2019 at 11:01 am

    Thank you so so much for sharing this! My husband wasn’t on board with EC at first but through watching me do it and then seeing that it worked he was convinced! Also super important what you shared about Love and Respect. Such a good reminder for ANY issues going on in marriage, not just disagreement about EC. Thank you for all that you do, Andrea!

    • Avatar Andrea Olson on November 24, 2019 at 9:08 pm

      Hi Allison! Thank you for your kind words!! I am so happy to hear your husband got on board with EC, dads really rock at EC. xx Andrea

  4. Avatar MLB on November 13, 2019 at 1:37 pm

    I am a through and through feminist, ok, but I CANNOT AGREE MORE about this respect/love paradigm in a man/woman gender role relationship. Another author who goes into this is Rori Raye, and there is no religious talk there whatsoever so that may work better for some women, Ladies, if it makes you bristle JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE.

    Re. EC what worked for me is just doing it myself and not overexplaining. (Men are ALLERGIC to our explaining and want to do it their own way or see for themselves what way works). Baby is 9 months, we do part time EC, and Daddy continually surprises me by pottying him without me asking.

    xx thanks!

    • Avatar Andrea Olson on November 24, 2019 at 9:01 pm

      It really does work! I’ll have to look into that author, thank you for the recommendation. xx Andrea

  5. Avatar Rose on November 16, 2019 at 8:02 pm

    start with something very simple and don’t expect. If you have no expectation then you can’t be disappointed! I started by asking mine “if baby pees or poos while you’re changing her, say these cues”, nothing else.

    Then two weeks later I asked if he can try her on the potty at diaper changes and say the cues when he was ready it’ll be great. He was so amazed when baby peed into the potty and “on request” that he started pottying her at wake up and every diaper change.

    • Avatar Andrea Olson on November 24, 2019 at 8:53 pm

      Hi Rose! What a great way to ease him into EC!! Wonderful plan, I’m so glad it worked. xx Andrea

  6. Avatar Sherry on November 22, 2019 at 1:59 pm

    I already own the EC book. How do I get the Dad’s Guide Download?

  7. Avatar Crystal Kellough on August 31, 2020 at 1:02 pm

    My whole church did the Love and Respect book through our small groups (our church spends a lot of time on marriages BEFORE it’s gets bad in hopes that it never gets bad). The book is as good as Andrea says it is. It has truly worked wonders in our marriage. To piggy back on that, we were told to ask our spouse every night before bed “Did I do anything today to make you not feel respected” when the wife says it. The guys would say “loved” instead. You listen to your spouse and even if you don’t like what they said, you apologize for making them feel that way. No excluded! Just apologize! Andrea, I have a wonderful husband who has been supportive of me doing EC since I first learned about it. It took him a week or so to actually help out with it himself (he’s rocking it…he’s caught more poops than me!). But when I put your podcast on speaker for him to hear you speak about the “Love and Respect” book in your past podcast, you definitely gained his respect. I don’t know your religious preference, but how you are handling your marriage and putting your husband first is spot on! You can’t raise kids together, to the best of your ability, without putting each other first. For those that are divorced, you can still be a strong team raising your kids together, too. I’ve seen many nuclear families do this (my mom and dad NOT included). Well done Andrea and thanks for taking the time to preach on this subject.

    • Avatar Andrea Olson on August 31, 2020 at 5:50 pm

      Hi Crystal! I am so happy to hear that Love and Respect has helped your marriage, it really is an amazing book. I like the idea of the question at night, keep that communication going. Yay for hubby rocking EC!! xx Andrea

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