Welcome to the Go Diaper Free Podcast, where we're all about helping you stop using diapers as early as birth. I'm your host, Andrea Olson, author and mom of five EC’d babies. This is Episode 40, when to transition to the big toilet with elimination communication or potty training.
All right. Welcome, everybody. Glad to have you here today. We talked last time about when to transition from in-arms holds in EC to a mini potty. I promised you that we would also talk about when to transition to the big toilet, and that is today's episode.
So when would you transition to the big toilet, and from what? Well, we would transition to the big toilet from in-arms, see Episode 39 if you would like more info on that one. Or we would transition to the big toilet from a mini potty, which is the little one that goes on the ground. I have an excellent one if you need a really short one over at tinyundies.com.
But we want to go to the big toilet at certain times, and I'm here today to give you full permission to do so at any of these times. Or whenever you feel like it frankly, because every decision in EC and potty training is really yours, the parent's, to make. It is not necessarily a child-led thing, because if you think about it, we are the ones who put our babies into diapers and we are the ones who get to take them out of diapers. Waiting for them to express full readiness and tell you to potty train them is kind of something that the diaper companies have concocted to sell more product. Just think about that.
When do we transition to the big toilet from a mini potty, you guys? The first reason would be when your baby is escaping the mini potty. You know what I mean. They start to go and then they decide they don't want to go, or they don't start to go at all and they escape. They jump off of it, they run off. This is usually with a young toddler who clearly knows how to walk or run and is taking advantage of that. Or they can crawl and all they want to do right now is crawl and they don't want to sit there. Really all they want to do is pull themselves up on your couch. “Why would I brother sitting on this little mini potty?” If your baby is escaping the mini potty, it is definitely a great idea to transition to the big toilet immediately. We'll talk about how to do that at the end.
Another reason, another indicator of when to transition to the big toilet, is when we get tired of cleaning that lovely mini potty out. If your child is pooping in it, which is great, you're getting poop in the potty. Hurray, yay. Great job, team. It's also pretty hard and gross to clean out. Depending on whether they're exclusively breastfed or not. You know what I mean, I won't get into details. I do cover how to clean out your mini potty in my book, Go Diaper Free, amongst many other things, but cleaning it out can get old. When it's old then you're done, and you want to move to the big toilet. You'll never have to clean it out again.
Now, the reason I bring this up is because my husband, with our second of five children, got tired of cleaning up the mini potty. Our daughter, Isadora, was going every single time by herself, or telling us, at 15 months. We got her out of diapers at 13 months, that one. He was frankly tired of cleaning it out. So guess what he did? He hid it from us, from me and from Isadora, so nobody could use the mini potty anymore. So we had to start transitioning, and I will tell you how to do that in a little bit.
Okay, so when the baby's escaping the mini potty and when we're tired of cleaning it out, those are two good reasons to transition to the big toilet. Another one is during resistance or a potty pause. When we have resistance, just light resistance like, oh, they don't go and then they pee in their diaper five minutes later or on your floor. Or we have a potty pause, where just for days or weeks they are not going, they're refusing and it's traumatic. It's not actually traumatic, they're not going to be traumatized by it, but for you in the moment you feel traumatized, the parent, because everything had gone great with EC and then everything's hard all of a sudden.
So during times of resistance and pause, we like to suggest changing the receptacle. Change the environment, change the backup, what they're wearing, which we'll cover that transition of when to change from diapers to something else in another episode. But during these difficult times, changing the receptacle can sometimes be the solution for everything.
They see you and every other grownup, and maybe older siblings if they have any, using the big toilet every single day, right? They might really want to use it themselves and just don't know how to ask, so they ask by resisting. Resistance and potty pauses are information. They're going to give us information on, whoa, what part of this process does my child want more independence over, or more independence in, or more say in? That could be it too, so changing the receptacle at that time is a really good idea and a good time to transition to the big toilet.
I think my lawn guy just started, so sorry. I will try to stay close to the microphone so you don't hear him. All right, now let's talk about how to transition to the big toilet. Okay, so how to transition to the big toilet. That was not my lawn guy, that was actually some really big tractor going by.
Okay, so how to do it. We want to get a stool, one with steps on it. A full on ladder stool toilet seat reducer combo if you really feel like, they have those on Amazon, or just a plain old stool that they can climb onto and eventually learn how to get onto the big toilet themselves with. But it's also really good because it makes them feel safe, that there's something underneath them that they can step onto when they get off.
It's also a great place to help them self-dress or pull on their pants. Sit down on the stool after they get off the big toilet, pull their pants to their ankles, have them stand up and pull them the rest of the way up. It's a really good teaching opportunity. I go into a lot more detail in my books on those kinds of processes.
But how to do it, we definitely need the tool of a stool and then we also want to get a seat reducer. We want to get something that... Okay, you can try many different things. You can find one that's novel, that has a character on it, even if your kid's never watched a lick of TV. You could get something with a character on it that's cute that they could point out and feel comfortable, like they're going to the bathroom on Lightning McQueen or something like that. We also want to get some for a child who is younger, a much smaller baby. Maybe something that's a little bit deeper, so that they sink into it a little bit. Maybe more comfortable, get them more into that deep spot feeling while their legs are still so short. So pick out a seat reducer of your choice.
We also want to hide or toss out the mini potty. If it's not there, you're not going to use it, right? It's kind of like getting rid of diapers. Not there you're not going to use it. We want to do that so that we don't have an option. If things aren't working for you or the baby, regarding the mini potty, then just take it out of the picture. This is now our new thing and you're a big kid and look at this cool seat you get to sit on. Don't over talk it, it shows that you're afraid. Trust me, we're all afraid of our children at one point or another, aren't we?
Okay, the next thing we want to do is if your child tries to dive off of the big toilet, when you set them on it and they reach for you and want to dive off. Now, here we go. I am not responsible for any child falling off the toilet. You do with this information what you want and always seek medical advice. That's my disclaimer. This is just anecdotal and it is what I've seen work for lots of parents in our forums. So just take it with a grain of salt and I'm not responsible if something happens, but I'm going to tell you, if you are not sitting right there up next to your child, they're not going to dive off, usually. It depends on how old they are, but you know if you have a child who's a diver or not.
Usually it really... And this is one thing I got from one of our audience members and I've tried it myself. You can line the floor with pillows underneath your toilet the first few times, so if they do try to come off then they're going to never do that again and they also won't get hurt. So there's that, but I've always found that if I pop my baby on the toilet seat reducer right there and then I turn around and I busy myself with something somewhere else in the bathroom, I'm still there, I'm still within a few feet, but I don't give them the opportunity to dive onto me. Right when I turn my back and give privacy, which I'll talk about next, they go. So play with that, toy with that. Be careful. I'm not responsible if you're not careful, but it is definitely something that a lot of people have found has worked for them.
Then the last thing I want to say about this is giving privacy. We want to transition to the big toilet also when we realize that our children really need a lot more privacy, and this could happen at just mere months old, like nine months old, ten months old. They start to seek privacy. We're mammals, we don't want to be doing this in front of other people. Sorry, you can hear my baby in the background. You want to give privacy by closing the door, both of you in it. Set your baby on the big toilet, don't even talk about it. Don't ask if they need to go if you've got a child who gets resistant when you ask or who says no. You know if you've got one.
You take them to the big toilet, put them on it, turn around and busy yourself with something. Brush your teeth, wash your hands. Do something where you are ignoring your child but you're still totally paying attention to them. This usually gives them enough privacy to go successfully on the big toilet, to feel comfortable there, and to really feel like they have ownership on part of this process.
That's everything I have to say about when to transition to the big toilet and how to do it, but know that there's one more thing. Like I said in Episode 39, when transitioning from in-arms to a mini potty, you can also start transitioning them to the big toilet by holding them over it or onto it with the toilet seat reducer facing the back of the toilet, so turned around. Check out Lid Buddies, they have a really cool sticker. It’s gorgeous with watercolor pictures on it that you can put on the back of your toilet seat so they can look at that while you're sitting them on it backwards. You can do this the whole time. You could always have them potty backwards forever, because they can climb on easier this way. It's brilliant.
The other thing I want to say is when transitioning to the big toilet, you want to hold a small baby on who can't sit up by themselves. The criteria for this, just to backtrack a second, they've got to be able to sit up on their own, unassisted. Duh. Okay, so I just wanted to make sure I covered that before we wrapped up.
So that's it. I want you to leave any questions you have in the comments over at godiaperfree.com/40. Let me know when you plan on transitioning to the big toilet, or if you've already done it, if you have tips for other parents that I have missed here, as I can't possibly think of everything here. But I would love to hear from you over there in the show notes on my blog. So I'll see you there.
Meanwhile, definitely subscribe so I can let you know of the next episode that comes out. Leave your review, let me know how I'm doing, and help other people learn about elimination communication and early potty training.
Thanks so much for being here today. I'm Andrea Olson with Go Diaper Free, and you've been listening to the Go Diaper Free Podcast at godiaperfree.com. We will see you next time.
My little guy doesn’t seem interested in privacy. He’s never tried to hide or take off to do his thing (no EC until 12 months unfortunately). So.. I just pop him on the toilet and squat on the floor in front of him. Our bathroom is super small so he can reach the tub and the vanity, so huge risk of him falling off.. Anywho. My point is… he reaches for me to let me know he’s done. Is this going to become an issue in the future?
I don’t think it will be an issue. Some kids don’t ever really want privacy. If he doesn’t mind and what you are doing works, keep it up! xx Andrea
Good energy today 😊.
Our bedrooms are in the basement, but there’s no bathroom down there. I’m not very good at holding my baby over a kid potty (I have ordered both of yours). I do much better sitting on the adult toilet facing backwards with my baby (I read this from a Chinese American), but again there’s no bathroom in the basement.. I’d love to be able to buy an adult portable potty with extra room for both of us, that I can keep in the basement and take upstairs to dump.. If you make an affordable one, please let me know.
Thanks for the infovideo.
Hi Natalie! It will get easier to use a potty as baby gets bigger. If you feel like an adult sized seat would help, maybe you could try a bedpan? I don’t know if it would be big enough, but it might work. xx Andrea
Neat idea thanks!
You’re welcome! xx Andrea
Thanks for this! I previously commented about a potty pause and we’ve been trying to work through that. I’ve held him on the big potty, but he’s still arching his back and whining, so I sounds like I need to buy a seat reducer and give him some privacy. The journey continues!
Love your new video podcasts!
I noticed that some kids sit on the toilet without a big enough stool or with legs dangling. (My oldest prefers a small stool that actually does not provide enough grounding. Same with my youngest and a toilet ladder. The legs are actually too small to sit in a proper squatting position but I don’t know of any better options.)
And since we as EC coaches talk about the advantage of the squatting position when we hold the baby in our arms to EC or squatting on the potty, I think it would be good to mention here, too. It’d be sad to have such a good start squatting only to stop it when growing up. Because even grown ups should use a stool and squat. ;)
I started putting my son on the toilet because he flat out refused his potty. We had moved and he had some bouts of illness that made us entirely diaper dependant for a while. So, we started with a reducer.. but that didn’t go well. I realized he actually sits just fine on the toilet as is, and we’ve done it ever since. When he started eating solids (and having solids poos) we were able to figure out when he had to poo, so he’s never had more than 1 in 3 poos start in the diaper (they all at least end in the toilet). I am so thankful for you and not having to change toddler poos. Now, I just have to get him to tell me when he needs to potty. (Right now, we go by instinct and timing, but are still missing about 1 in 4).
That is fantastic! Keep up the great work, the communication will come with time. xx Andrea
I just got some undies and finally a book from you! We are almost complete night time potty for our 29 month old and we are mostly diaper free for our 10 month old. Thank you!!
Woohoo! That is wonderful!! I hope you enjoy the undies and book. xx Andrea
I’m really grateful for all that you’re sharing! I’m pregnant now and for the first time so I’m just taking everything in in a place of gratitude. Thank you for being a beacon!
Hi Ife, Congratulations on your pregnancy! I am so glad to hear you are learning all about EC now. You will be ready to dive in once baby arrives. xx Andrea
I bought the mini potty on your St. Patrick’s Sale and immediately 18 mo. took ownership and began using it independently. Two days in a row she shocked me by hand delivering the toilet to me with her bm in it with a very smug smile on her face! I had to hold back my panic both times as I carefully took the hand off! I had just begun to teach her to pull her undies down. She definitely prefers the simplicity of tinyundies over the tinyups or even the trainers, but this mommy needs those 2 options still because we still have our share of misses while I’m working with my other kids, and esp. with 2 yr. molars pushing through.
Hi Tamra! That is wonderful! It sounds like she was totally ready for some independence. Once those molars are in I have no doubt she will finish wrapping up. xx Andrea
We’ve been working through a potty pause (12.5 months old, EC since birth) and it seems like finding the right seat reducer for the big potty has made a significant difference. For a while he refused to sit on the big potty and would arch his back and kick off, but now that he’s refusing the mini potty, he seems more open to the big one. We found a cushioned seat with hand rails and a good splash guard, and he’s done well with that the past few days. Seems like it’s a constant cycle though to see where he won’t refuse to potty!
Hi Kristina! I am glad to hear you found something that works. That’s why I recommend having a tiny potty and a seat reducer. They will go through phases of preferring one over the other. If you keep having a hard time with his potty pause, I do have a Potty Pause Resolution mini course. It will give you a lot of tips for working through it. xx Andrea
I decided to transition to the big potty after my 9mo started trying to eat poop out of the mini potty. The first three days were very successful, no more poop eaten though a lot of toilet paper was consumed. Unfortunately on the fourth day she fell. Looks like I’ll need to get some pillows unless you have any strategies for the highly determined poop eaters out there.
Hi Tabitha! I’m so sorry your little one is making potty time tough. Try using distractions like toys, books, a toothbrush, etc. It will keep her busy and out of trouble. It helps if you can find items she doesn’t get to see any other time, just on the potty. xx Andrea
Do you have a recommendation for a seat reducer I can sit backward? I have been just holding my 6 month old over the big toilet for 4 months and I want to keep the association of going to the bathroom over the same toilet (and I would love to avoid having to go back to a toilet I would have to clean!). My baby can sit up on her but she is not walking yet.
Depending on the shape of your toilet, if it’s a classic circle shape then any seat reducer should be able to be placed backwards on it. If it’s an oval shape than you could try a foldable portable seat reducer. That might work. Also, if your little can sit upright , then you can just set the seat reducer on toilet like normal, and sit in front of her to keep in contact with her as she goes.
We’ve been doing the big potty at home with a seat reducer since about 6 months but she always wants to play with the toilet paper, sick her hands in, and reach for the trash can… how do I get her to stop those things? (Almost 12 months) … also missing a ton of poops now as she almost always goes after nap wakeup if I’m not fast enough to get to her. We’re missing a lot of pees too (although she goes a lot of times on the potty too) so I may need a reset.
That curiosity is a natural part of development, so you might consider moving the TP and trash can away for now, behind a cupboard door perhaps. And give her something to hold like a piece of food or a toy! Focus on observation and also take a listen to this episode: http://www.godiaperfree.com/196
People like you mDe me feel like I was a failure as a mom. You are so cocky assuming your plan is the best (and my kids went to daycare ao it alao wasn’t practical. Oh yea. The horror. Someone else “raising”u baby. I get you are trying to make a buck but have some compassion and less judging. Bless.
My aim is to educate people about EC, which unfortunately has been completely forgotten in our modern western society. Education can open people’s eyes and allow them a choice in how they want to raise their family. Perhaps EC is the best fit and perhaps it is not. As a parent that is your responsibility to make the best choices for you and yours. I would not judge you for making whatever choices you felt were necessary or best at that time. My confidence in MY choices is in no way a reflection on you or yours.
Hi
My baby is 15 months and he is going on the reducer we’ll, but I feel that he wants more independence. He never used the potty and refuses to use it now. He walks and can climb a stool but getting from the stool onto the reducer is too hard for him. And suggestions on how I might be able to teach him to mount the toilet or use the mini potty?
Yes!! I love the “step stool potty seats” for this! Do a search on Amazon to see what I mean, its an all-in-one solution with handles and everything making it super safe and secure 😊
Thank you! Any specific ones/ company you would recommend for a very little, boy, and a very high toilet?
I don’t, sorry! But our EC or Potty Training support groups on Facebook would be a great place to “crowd-source” the answer 👍
Urh… I felt super sorry for you, Andrea. I don’t know what to say. I once felt a little bad about the marketing of the products, but frankly speaking they’re all very practical, if I were in the US I’d be getting them over any other types. I cannot personally afford your product right now but definitely am very glad that you openly support EC and shared your life detail’s concerns EC. It’s so awesome to see someone out there experiencing the same thing and have shared what may work. I have a terrible potty break after everyone in the house got sick about one month ago. I will try what you have suggested and see what happens!
Thank you for the words of encouragement, I appreciate it ❤️
I see that my comment didn’t go in the threads of the original comment I followed. My comment was per some comments that were very critical about you. I once was not sure if you are one that I should learn EC from, and was terrified with the marketing. No I now I’d say keep it up.
I use cloth but it’s really so labor intensive when EC doesn’t go well. Good days I end with two diapers and no poop, bad days I have countless poppy diapers and a rash on my baby’s bum. And my baby is refusing right now. These tricks will help, and I will not quit. Between 4 and a half months and 6 months I completely quit because my baby fell from potty once and hurt relatively badly, with a bloody bruise on her head. However, when I restarted 6 months I had regretted so much that I quit before. I will not quit for whatever reason, so trying privacy ( I always was in the nursing position right in from of my child), switching to adult toilet, are all really good thoughts for me.
It’s so wonderful to see you mention parents get traumatized when EC doesn’t go well – not wonderful that others are traumatized, but oh my goodness, someone else knows the struggles!
So glad to hear you’ve found them useful! All the best 🥰 And we do have a free public support group on Facebook – I hope to see you in there! https://www.facebook.com/groups/godiaperfree
Hey Andrea, we have a 10 month old son who is pretty determined to not sit on the mini potty. We’ve gotten lazy I guess and experienced a potty pause of a few months now. We had a couple poop and pee catches about a month ago, but lots of poop in diapers and pees on the floor since then. We are trying to enforce a “poop and pee goes in the potty” message to our son by airlifting him to the potty mid-pee and mid-poop but he never resumes once we reach the potty its almost like the moment passes and he goes back to doing his own thing. I feel it’s a bid for more autonomy. My question is, is there a way to combine outdoor pee’s with pottying? Do you have a technique for this? I know he registers “its safe” to do pee’s and poops outside, so I guess I’d like to try capitalise on this somehow. Thank you so much! Taryn
If you are having more success with pees and poops outside, go for it! At that age its not creating any bad habits, and its quite common to need to “change things up” at that age, trying the toilet, potty, outside etc.. to see what works. When you are outdoors though, you may want to bring a potty too, and try if you can to catch poops in there even if he is squatting over it at first. I would continue offering a few times a day indoors too, even if they rarely result in pee in the potty!