Preparing the environment for easy toileting: Part 4 of our Montessori-inspired EC series

EPISODE 072: Preparing

Welcome to the Go Diaper Free Podcast where we're all about helping you stop depending on diapers as early as birth. I'm your host, Andrea Olson, author and mom of five ECed babies. This is episode 72, Montessori inspired EC – preparing the environment. 

Hey guys, thanks so much for joining me this week, mamas and daddies and caregivers. This is number four of a four-part series on Merry L. Hadden's article, “Toilet Training Versus Toilet Learning.” You can check that out over on the show notes for this episode at godiaperfree.com/72.

Basically, this is a Montessori educator who made this fantastic article covering so many aspects that overlap with EC, in between Montessori and EC, that I wanted to share her findings with you. And this is the fourth part, preparing the environment. I personally love this part because it's something full of action steps that you can take today to help set your baby up for success at home. The last three episodes as a recap in case you missed them were episode 69, the natural laws of development, number 70, the adult's role in preparation, and number 71, remedial toilet learning at two years and up.

So now today we're going to go back through Merry's practical advice on how to prepare the environment to assist the child in developing toilet independence, which really starts at birth up to 12 months old when things really start to kick in, and then up to 12 to 18 months for the wrap up period. So this is a list of... How many items do we have? 20 items. You can check out the article if you want to follow along. We also have a transcript of today's episode over at the show notes website. Let's go through these. 

So first of all, Merry has some clothing recommendations from a Montessori perspective that I'm going to pull up now. Extra underpants of various colors can be kept either in the child's cubby or in the bathroom. So the cubby would obviously be at one of the preschools or in the bathroom. Offering a choice of color will prevent a power struggle from developing. It's recommended that a size larger than what fits should be purchased in order to allow for shrinkage. Just remember how difficult it was to take off a wet bathing suit. Taking off clothes independently comes before being able to put them on. Outer clothing should be simple to allow for easy undressing and dressing, which encourages independence.

In the beginning, underpants with short t-shirts are recommended. As soon as possible, the child should be dressed completely. T-shirts or dresses that hang down past the waist present an obstacle to the child's ability to coordinate the movements necessary to pull their shirt up and hold it out of the way while trying to push down the underpants. So those are her tips on clothing recommendations. I would just like to add to those. And this is when we're at the point of developing independence. So this really is about starting at around 12 months old or when the child is walking when you change to the cloth pants.

We want to do the following 20 things during that time. So preparation definitely comes from 1-12 months, which was covered in episode 70. Today we're going to talk about from this developing independence point of view from around 12 months old. So that's clothing, I want to add to that that we have a line of LEARN undies and LEARN training pants, tiny trainers and tiny undies over at tinyundies.com, that help the child to self dress and they're self correcting. They're totally Montessori friendly. If your child is working on that task, it would be super fun to add those to the mix.

Number two for Merry's list is the step stool for the sink, and soap, towels, et cetera. We want to have everything accessible for the child. So we want them to be able to access the sink and the soap and the towels very easily. And including in this, we want to also have, separate from the steps, we'll maybe use a step stool for this. We want to have a bench or chair for undressing and dressing. Because this part of Montessori work, the work here is to be able to dress and undress yourself, whether wet or dry. 

The third item she mentions is this small potty and again, over at Tiny Undies, we have a very small mini potty, but we want to have one that they are able to get on and off of easily.

The fourth item on our 20-item list here, developing independence, undressing. Let's talk about this. From her article, “to undress, have the child stand in front of the bench or stool, encourage him to push down his underpants to his knees. To aid his developing equilibrium, ask the child to sit down and then lean forward and continue pushing the pants down to his ankles. Remember, he's trying to keep his oversized head in balance when standing on his little legs. Ask him to lift out one foot then the other, naming the left foot or the right foot.” Again, see the article on the website, but it's a really great description of how to teach your child how to undress. 

And then number five is dressing. And these are Merry's tips on dressing. “A full length mirror will help the child see the different steps in the dressing process. So while the child is still sitting on the stool, hold the dry underpants by the waistband and stretch it open to show the child the two leg holes. There's one hole for your right foot and one hole for your left foot.” And this is again where the LEARN undies that I've created really help, because one leg hole is blue and one leg hole is gray.

“Then place the underpants on the floor front facing up.” And again, my LEARN undies have a bear that are actually upside down, but when they're facing the baby, is Bear looking at you. That means they're facing the right way on the floor. “Encourage the child to pick them up.” And these LEARN undies have orange handles. “Place his foot in the hole. Once both feet are inside the leg holes, demonstrate how to pull the underpants up to his knees by holding the waistband on either side. Next, ask the child to stand up in front of the mirror and demonstrate holding the waistband with one hand in the front and the other in the back. This will facilitate pulling up the underpants over the buttocks. The adult should collaborate with the child whenever possible. Remember, repetitions are needed to awaken his interest to create a cycle of acquaintanceship.” So the biological fact of needing to pee and poop are obviously things that don't need to be taught, but manipulating clothing, we definitely want to awaken his interest on how to properly dress so that there's less friction to him being independent. 

Number six, “always change standing up so we don't give a message of you're not capable of independence.” So after 12 months or after they start standing, even when they start pulling up to standing, that's when I like to change to only changing standing up. 

Number seven, for a boy, there is an invitation to pee in the potty while standing up. We could pick up and tilt the potty toward him to catch the urine in it, which will teach him how to pee standing up. You can also get one of those mini urinals you can find on Amazon. Stick that in your bathroom instead of a mini potty for a boy who wants to pee standing up. But you also need a mini potty for him to poop in. But yeah, for boys we definitely want to help with that.

Number eight, inviting the child instead of asking a question. So, "Come, let's take a turn in the bathroom. Would you like to turn the light on? Let's go and wash our hands." So very matter of fact, not asking, "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" Because you're probably going to get a no on that. And even if you don't get a no, there's room and an invitation for conflict there. "Come, let's take a turn in the bathroom," is a very nice thing to say. 

Number nine on Merry's list is the daycare and parents. “The daycare teachers and the parents are responsible for introducing the child to proper hygiene practices, to preserve their health and practice cleanliness.” So we want to know our roles, and we also want to help support our daycare workers if any. There's a blog post that I have a link to in the show notes today for two free handouts on this topic. But it's definitely important just to realize that you and the daycare teachers, if any, and any caregiver you use are responsible for introducing the child to proper hygiene practices. This is for their health, this is for practicing cleanliness. This is a lifelong skill. 

Number 10, how to wipe. So we definitely want to teach how to wipe. Let's see what Merry has to say about that. This is covered pretty clearly in my book as well. I like to just have them fold up a piece of paper and hold it in their hand, reach around to their rear end, their anus, and wipe it. See if it's clean. If it's not clean throw that in the toilet, get another one, wipe it again until it comes up clean. So that's one way. But the point here is we want to teach them how to wipe with toilet paper. If you're in another country, you need to know which hand to use when washing with water like in India. We always want to, number 11, teach to wash hands after going.

And number 12, teach a whole routine. Starting with an invitation, "Come, let's take a turn in the bathroom." All the way through to all the steps repeating and modeling the same way every time. Undressing, going to the bathroom, wiping if necessary, redressing, and then washing hands, turning off the light. I have a board book called the Tiny Potty board book that covers the whole routine without a focus on diapers or readiness. You can check that out if you need help modeling what the process looks like.

Number 13 on Merry's list is to log the time when pees or poos happen with a chart located on the bathroom wall at home and at school. This can help the teacher and it can help you as well anticipate the needs of your child based on their natural rhythm, not on a clock. So I do have an observation log available for free on my website, it also comes with my book. That observation log, the idea to put it on your bathroom wall is something that I've never thought of, but Merry suggests, and I think it makes sense. Because then you can write it as things happen.

Number 14, routine offerings at daycare. We want to share what we're doing at home with what we're doing at daycare, make sure we're on the same page. So at daycare, we want a potty upon arrival, prior to snack, prior to going outside, prior to lunch, before and after nap and before going home. See my daycare blog post for the handouts on his topic that will help you and the teacher figure out when to potty. But again, repetition helps them with the learning process. 

Number 15, be prepared. Bring a wet dry bag and extra sets of cotton training pants, covers, whatever. Have them with you on the go at all times. Have them at daycare at all times. “If you're prepared, you will be less stressful,” Merry says that and I totally agree and teach the same thing. Number 16, cover the car seat and mattress with a waterproof pad. Both create less stress for the parent, which makes the child more successful. 

Number 17, “make food and water available at routine times. This causes regularity in the elimination system in your child's body,” and that's something that I only really learned when talking to Montessori educators. They feed the snack and the lunch at a two-hour spacing from each other so that by the time they've eaten their lunch, they all need to have a bowel movement and they all will go to the bathroom in a line together, at the same timing. So regularity, if you don't have a routine and rhythm to your day, start to instill one. Not to tell your child what to do or when to be hungry, but follow your child's basic needs and rhythms, learn from them. Create routine times to create regularity in their system and you might have more success.

18, “give the daycare or parents, educate yourself on this information on the health and environmental risks caused by disposable diapers to encourage cooperation, early abandonment of diapers, et cetera.” So for this, I do have an article on my website that goes over all of the scientific studies. You can share that with them or read up on it yourself. 

19, carry the Potette Plus, which is a portable toilet seat that I love to use. Biodegradable wipes, the company Dyper makes a great biodegradable wipe. Maybe a stack of sticky notes for those autoflush sensors. You can see my episode on that if you want to know how to use them. A small spray bottle of hydrogen peroxide if you want to spray off public seats. So one of these things, you can bring wipes, you can bring a spray bottle, you can just carry a Potette Plus that you place on top of the public seat. The point is we want the child to respond to his need to go everywhere without fear, so we want to integrate doing EC and potty learning on the go as soon as we, the parent, feel confident. Oftentimes, it's easier than doing it at home. But Merry says the child needs to know that every place has a toilet.

And number 20. Merry suggests not conversing or making noises with the child, not reading or singing to the child on the potty, and not to have potty chairs around the house for convenience. "What?" you might say. Well, she says that this Montessori-inspired toilet learning is different from EC in her article. And let's just talk about this, I'm totally open-minded about this as well. It's a different way of looking at it, but she does say there are just a few discrepancies between the assistant to infancies or Montessori approach and elimination communication.

So adults, this is what Merry says about that and then you can make your own decision about what you think you should do. “Adults need to understand that a very young child is in a sensitive period for order. And the bathroom is where physical care related to hygiene should take place. The role of the adult is to help the infant or child arrive at the appropriate place, the bathroom, to gently, and securely give physical support only for as long as necessary and to refrain from conversation. With young children, we must remember all our actions give both a physical and psychological message. We model for the child respect and privacy so that toileting will become a private activity culminating in independence for the child.” And respect and privacy, guys, includes not having conversations. You're giving them a private moment without talking. Interesting. “We must always bear in mind that education should be an aid to life, which leads us towards the path of independence.” I really like what she has to say on that. And you decide whether you want to make noises or not. 

After the newborn stage, honestly I don't really make them. And I actually started implementing this with Twyla. I'm moving her to the big toilet now at 11 months old and I don't even say anything to her, I just put her on it and she just goes, and it's pretty cool. And you teach her the all done sign by waving both hands flopping them side to side, you can look that one up, to see if she's finished to give her some language around that. But when I plop her on it, it's just a cue. Obviously you're in the bathroom, we're going to go to the bathroom. Okay, so that's what Merry has to say about that. Super interesting. 

If you'd like to take this further, just get my easy start guide on EC or better yet just get my book at Go Diaper Free. It's called Go Diaper Free, you could also get it on Amazon. In it, I do recommend against praising, against over-talking. Focus a lot on repetition, building successful habits, staying matter of fact, using EC as a normal way of life and it also go through the building blocks to toilet independence, which are very similar to Merry's list that we just shared on today's episode. I hope you'll join me there and in our private support forum for book owners only and in my Q&A's that will be offered soon for book owners only. So I can further support you in doing EC with great satisfaction and success.

Our babies deserve it and you deserve to feel confident in what you're doing with your baby. Again, you can download Merry's wonderful article and see the show notes and links for this episode at godiaperfree.com/72. 

I'll leave you with a quote from Merry's paper from Maria Montessori herself. “Every child who has been freed, who knows how to care for himself, how to put his shoes on, to dress and undress without help, mirrors in his merriment the reflection of human dignity. Because human dignity is born of the sentiment of one's independence.” Yes, that is why we do what we do. 

So glad to have you join me today. Till next time. I'm Andrea Olson with the Go Diaper Free Podcast at godiaperfree.com. Happy ECing and I'll see you next time.