Does having another baby impact an older child’s potty success?

EPISODE 242: Does having another baby impact an older child's potty success?

You've probably heard that bringing home another baby can set you way back in the potty training department with your older child. But is that true? And if so, what's the best way to handle it? That's what we're covering on today's episode. This is episode 242, does having another baby impact an older child's potty success? Elimination communication and iblings.

Hello, and welcome to the Go Diaper Free Podcast. I'm your host, Nicole Cheever, Go Diaper Free certified coach and mama to three kiddos who all went through EC and potty training at different ages and stages.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. Thanks so much for joining me again today. This is episode 242, does having another baby impact an older child's potty success? All about elimination communication and siblings. You can find the show notes over at godiaperfree.com/242. We always love to see your comments over there and answer any questions you may have. And of course, everything I talk about today will be linked over there in the show notes.

Now, the big burning question: does an older sibling always regress when a new sibling comes along? We have episode 215, where I covered a little bit about how to EC the baby when you have an older sibling along, plus a few regression prevention tips. Today, we'll go a little bit deeper into what's going to happen with your older child. Let's look at how to handle your older child's potty routine when you bring home the new baby.

The most important thing is to plan ahead. If you can wrap up EC or potty-train your older child before the new baby arrives, do it. Please, for the love of everything, do it. I can tell you, I had all the plans in the world to wrap up my oldest. We had fallen off the EC wagon, and he was going to be almost exactly 17 months when his first baby sister arrived. So I was really wanting to wrap him up. I did not, and I regretted it. You have all of the best intentions, you have all of these high hopes for what life is going to be like when that second baby comes along. Try to think back to when your first baby came along and how much or how little you were really able to accomplish in those first couple weeks or months, and now you also have an older child to parent. Even if you have lots of help. I was very fortunate I had help around me. It's still so much. And especially if you're not confident and you really don't feel like you know exactly what you're doing in the EC world, it can just be so overwhelming. Even though you're not a first time parent anymore.

So if you have the opportunity, if you're able to wrap up that older child, get them potty confident, get them potty independent. Or, if they're two- or three-years-old, go ahead and train them. It's going to be so much better for you, so much easier for you, and you will save a ton of money on diapers if you're not already using cloth. And even if you're using cloth, you will save a bunch of water and soap and energy and all of that.

Go Diaper Free, of course, is going to be your go-to manual for wrapping up your older child if they're pretty young. That's for zero to 18 months. If you are in that 14- or 15-month cusp range with your older child, the book comes with a free plan, it's called the hybrid plan, for 12 to 18 month young toddlers. That's going to walk you through how to wrap up with a child who is not quite 18 months yet but is a real go-getter and wants to be potty independent. You know if this is your child. They want to do everything themselves. That blossoming toddler attitude is just bursting out. So if that's you, check out that hybrid plan.

The hybrid plan is also included with the Tiny Potty Training book. If you're on that cusp and you've never practiced EC before, and your new baby's going to arrive around or after your older child is going to be 18-months-old, go ahead and grab the Tiny Potty Training book, and that will have everything you need.

We did finally wrap up, or really potty train, my oldest at 28 months, right before his baby sister turned one. We had pee down in about two or three days, and poop took us about eight days. It's going to be different with every child. The younger your child is, and the closer they are to 18 months, the longer it's probably going to take. But if you're looking at a two- or a three-year-old, you can definitely wrap up in a week with that book. We also have the EC programs for every age and stage. We have the Premium Course Pack that has all three of our age-specific programs: the Newborn Program, the Mobile Baby Program, and the Young Toddler Program. And then it also has all seven of the MiniCourses. Those are really going to go a long way for helping you get started if you need to get started and wrap up if that's where you are.

The second most important thing, aside from planning ahead, is going to be considering what the separation is between your children. The age separation is going to have some effect on whether or not your older child goes through a regression. If the separation is a year or less, your child may go through some regression because they might not be fully potty independent yet. If that's the case, I would say to treat the regression like a potty pause. We've all heard of the fabled potty pause, or a potty strike is what it's sometimes called, and that can be really frustrating. Episode 226 talks all about what a potty pause is and how to deal with it. We also have a Potty Pause Resolution MiniCourse that can help you out with that.

If the age separation between your children is 18 months or more, you're most likely going to be in maintenance mode. Now your older child is wrapped up, potty independent, and you're going to be going through the typical potty maintenance. You will hit things like your older child starting to experiment with how long they can hold their bladder or their bowels, starting to not really want to break away from play. Or your older child may be having a really hard time with the fact that there's a new baby around and they're starting to feel kind of replaced. They may engage in some attention-seeking behavior that involves pottying. They may start to ignore wet pants because they really want you to spend the time and energy helping them change. They may not want to go to the potty by themselves. They may start looking for your attention in any way, shape, or form they can get it.

If that's the case, try to make sure that you spend quality, one-on-one, dedicated time with your older child. It's not necessarily going to wipe that out completely, but it should help. If you are noticing that your older child is looking for your attention by missing and by regressing in the potty learning department, providing them with that attention that they're screaming for will typically go a long way to resolve that.

If you have an older child who's a year or more out from having been potty trained or potty independent, you probably won't have potty regressions. You may still have the attention-seeking behavior I mentioned, but it usually won't happen in the potty department. We're talking three-, four-, five-year-olds, and beyond. It can happen, so it's good to be aware of. Again, consider if it may be an attention-seeking behavior. Typically, if you've got a longer age gap between your two children, you're not as likely to run into this problem.

As a coach, I would say the worst mistake you could make as a parent, if you do notice potty regression in your older child, is to panic. To think, "What happened? Everything was going fine, and then all of a sudden, what happened?" Remember, you just brought a baby home. Their entire world changed without their consent. They had no say in this. That's what happened. Children, especially young toddlers, will test boundaries to make sure that they still exist. Even though you may think it's obvious that life will go on the same way it was with an additional baby, we're kind of kidding ourselves when we say that anyway, because of course things are going to change. But even if that's your mindset, you need to recognize that your child may not share that. Your child may think, "Wow, everything's different now, so I have to figure out what's the same. Is there anything the same?" And they will do that by testing the boundaries. They may test it repeatedly. They may continue to push up against that boundary to see if it's still there. Finding that it's still there will help them to feel safe and secure.

If you, instead, go into panic mode and you put a diaper back on or you start using rewards or bribes or other tactics to try to squash the sudden accidents, you're showing your child that things have changed. That can exacerbate the problem and make it a lot worse. So the absolute best thing you can do, if you run into potty regressions with your older child, is to stay consistent. Go back to basics if you need to. You can go back to the chapters or the troubleshooting in the book. You can go back to one of the EC Programs or the MiniCourses. You can jump on the Facebook group for support.

Go back to basics, take a step back, do maybe a half a day of reteaching and reminding your child that everything is exactly the way – in the potty department – as it was before baby came along. Reassure them that things are still going to be consistent here. They will get back on track. Of course, it never hurts to involve your older child in pottying the baby. If they can feel like the big kid, showing baby how to potty, helping baby potty, getting a lot of ownership and mastery from that, that also goes a long way in helping to solidify their potty process.

That's everything I have today. Make sure you head over to godiaperfree.com/242. And let us know: did you experience potty regression with an older child after bringing a baby home? What are your best tips for preventing it or dealing with it? Next week, we will be troubleshooting some calls about babies who will sit on the potty but won't go. Make sure you join us next time. We will see you then.

Want to catch your first pee today? Grab Andrea's free easy start guide and do just that. It's only one page and it will change your world. Get it at godiaperfree.com/start. We'll see you next time.