Won’t sit: If your baby doesn’t want to sit, here are some ideas
Today we're going to talk about what you can do when your baby won't sit on the potty (or won’t stay seated on the toilet).
Does your baby fuss every time you put him down to sit on the potty?
Does she stand up right after she’s seated and either crawl or walk away, before doing her business?
Will your baby ONLY pee or poop standing up lately?
Don't you go worrying, now. Don’t quit elimination communication just yet. This is actually VERY common, and in today's episode I’ll break it down.
But first let me say it out loud: this is a really frustrating issue you guys! I’ve been there, done that. Know that you aren't alone and that I am here to help you figure it out.
We have a few things - 17 things, to be exact - that you can try that have worked for other parents. So, let's dive right in.
You will learn:
- 17 things to try when your baby won't sit on the potty!
- How to make the potty as comfortable as possible
- How to provide a bit more privacy
- When it might be time to switch potties
- How to help baby feel secure on the potty
- How to rule out medical issues
- More, plus tips from a couple listeners!
Links and other resources mentioned today:
- The Go Diaper Free Book
- Tiny Potty Training Book
- Toilet Seat Reducer
- Top Hat Potty Cozy
- Plum Organics Just Prunes
- Mini Urinal
- Tiny Potty Board Book
- "Bear" Stuffed Potty Companion
- Free Observation Log
- Safety Rail for Balance
- Find a Go Diaper Free Coach
- Top Hat Potty at TinyUndies.com
- Mini Potty at TinyUndies.com
- Easy Start Guide for EC (Free Download)
Download the Transcript
If you can't listen to this episode right now (um, sleeping baby!?)...download and read the transcript here:
Welcome to the Go Diaper Free Podcast, where we're all about helping you potty your baby as early as birth. I'm your host, Andrea Olson, author and mom of five EC’d babies. This is episode 60, Won't sit. If your baby doesn't want to sit on the potty, here are some ideas.
You guys, this is such a common issue. Thanks so much for joining me this week. I'm Andrea. This issue is super common and super frustrating when they won't sit on the potty. And it's because of a lot of things going on, right? Your baby is starting to learn how to pull up and wants to stand all the time, wants to strengthen those leg muscles, and you really just want to get their pee or poop in the potty, right? So how do we remedy this? I'm going to give you 17 ideas, and I'm going to give them to you pretty quickly.
You can get the transcript and look this over over at the show notes at godiaperfree.com/60, if you don't feel like taking notes. But try these ideas one at a time and see what works for you. You never know what's going to work. And if you need further help beyond this, and more hand holding, we do have a private support group for book owners. You can access that from the Go Diaper Free book after you get a copy of it, if you don't have one. If you have more questions, it's super duper helpful over there. So don't feel like you need to give up if your baby won't sit on the potty. Here's what to do.
All right, the first idea, number one, make sure your potty is comfortable and is the right size. So often people will get a much shorter mini potty and say, "My baby sits on it. It's comfortable, loves it, uses it all the time. In fact, we're almost wrapped up now." They're specifically talking about the mini potty that I sell and that I designed on tinyundies.com, so check it out if you haven't.
The other thing that you can do is to add the cozy, a potty cozy, to make it warm, because nobody really likes a cold seat. And some babies are more sensitive to a cold seat than others. So you could try adding a potty cozy to your mini potty. And you can also move them over to a softer seat reducer. So if you're using a toilet seat reducer on the big toilet and it's hard and plastic-y, you might want to use a soft one. I like the one made by Ginsey. It's novel because they have characters on it. Even if your kid never watches a lick of TV like mine didn't, you can say, "Hey, let's go pee pee on Dora. Let's go pee pee on Lightning McQueen," and it makes it a little bit fun. And this one has handles and is squishy. So that could help as well.
And we want to make sure ... Our babies can't exactly come out and tell us, "This potty is uncomfortable," or, "I can't reach the ground with my feet. I don't feel like I'm in a good position for pooping or peeing." They can't tell you that. So you're going to have to figure that out, and try out if a better potty that's shorter, that's the right size, maybe add a cozy, maybe try a seat reducer, will work for your child. So start at those one at a time. Try the mini potty first. Try adding a cozy if that didn't work. Try doing the seat reducer if that didn't work. Now, everything I name in this podcast episode, it's going to be found at godiaperfree.com/60 in my show notes, so definitely look there for the links to this stuff.
Number two, if your child won't sit, try privacy. Get yourself, both of you in the bathroom, take the child's pants off, lock the door with both of you in it, if it's big enough. Set your child on the potty, say, "Pee in the potty," or just point at the potty and say, "Pee in the potty." Turn your back at that time and focus on something else to give privacy. I've observed with my own children that privacy is desired as early as six or seven months, with my own kids. You may have different mileage. But it's way earlier than we think, because pooping and peeing is a very private process that we are just born with instincts to not want to do around other people, for whatever reason.
So if you turn your back and focus on something else, your focus is on, not them, but something else. They feel like they have privacy, especially if you turn your back. Turning your back helps. Try it, try it, try it. Okay. And worst case scenario, they pee on the floor, at least they're in the right room. That's all good.
The third idea for if they won't sit is to, I know I say this lightly, but trap them on the reducer. If they're escaping the mini potty all the time and they just won't stay seated no matter what you try, time to change to a soft toilet seat reducer on the big toilet. This kind of has the effect of sort of trapping them on it. I use the word trap because I don't really know another word, but it secures them on it. So basically they don't really ... They can't get off of it. Now, some will try to dive off of it, so use your discretion. I have been known to lie on the floor with towels, pillows for the first couple of times. And then if I back off and I turn my back and I know it's time, they'll usually go and not try to dive off. If I sit right next to them, they'll try to dive off into my lap.
So do not do anything that's going to harm your baby, and do not hold me accountable if you try something and it doesn't work. Use discretion and be careful. But know that if you use a toilet seat reducer, your child, especially one that they sink deeply into, your child is probably going to realize, "Oh gosh, it's not play time to mess around and get up and run around. It's actually time to do my business" It sends a clear message, right?
Okay. So number four. I have had a few clients over the years who have hugged their child gently onto the toilet while they go. They only had to do this one time and the child from then on felt relaxed enough and confident enough to do it on their own in the future. So this is kind of like buckling your child into a car seat, and the kid really just doesn't want to be buckled in, but for their safety, you press down on their belly and their torso and say, "You know, we've got to put this harness on." And it's not like you're hurting your child or forcing them in some kind of mean way, but, "I'm sorry, kid. You can't go on this car ride unless you're buckled in.".
And I have seen this compared time and again, and I've never ... Let's see, I've probably hugged my kid onto the potty one time. But the way I'm trying to explain it without showing you, you're not forcing them, you're just comforting them. You're keeping them really close, kind of like with the car seat, like, "I want you to be safe. So I'm going to do this with you. And I'm going to look at you in the eyes and we're going to do this together." You're keeping them feeling secure. You're setting a boundary with physicality, and you're going, "Shhhh," into their ear, "Psss," and here we go. That's hugging onto it once. It's not forceful as it sounds, it's hard to explain.
If you have questions about it, just let me know in the comments. But we want to do something maybe that helps them to feel relaxed and keeps... And some kids like to feel contained. One of my children loves to be underneath the table or in a little teepee. He likes to be in little contained spaces all the time.
Okay, so number five, are they constipated? Are they not sitting because it would hurt to push this poop out because it's so hard and big? Do they have a UTI and when they pee, it hurts? You want to rule out these things. Medical constipation usually has a side effect of fever and other things that are really scary. You're going to know that your child's not feeling well.
Now, just physical constipation where it just hurts because the poop is so hard, usually a pack of a pureed prunes, Plum Organics are the ones I love, a pack of those a couple times a day for a couple of days will usually get those pipes going through a little bit easier. And then they might be more likely to sit because they know it won't hurt. Some people put a little bit of oil around the anus to make it feel a little bit safer coming through, a little bit more lubricated.
If you're ruling out a UTI, you got to go get a test from your doctor, or sometimes they sell over-the-counter tests in some places. You can see if that's the culprit. EC gives you so much information. If they're not sitting because they look like they're really uncomfortable, it could be because what's coming out is hurting them. And this is good because then you can work with your pediatrician to get that resolved.
Number six, you might want to return to in-arms pottying for a little while. I know some of this will hurt your back, but if you need to return to in-arms for a while over the sink or over the toilet, then that could possibly help remedy the won't sit until this child has gotten their legs strong enough to where they don't feel like they have to stand all the time, and then maybe they'll start sitting again. This has worked for some people.
Number seven, try pottying outside for a while. Sometimes a little mother nature is all it takes. So maybe you go outside and say, "Hey, you want to pee on this rock," or, "You want to pee on this tree? You want to pee on this grass," or just squat with them outside without saying a word, "Psss," and relax your body as well. Being outdoors relaxes us too, so that could help. And it helps for a lot of people. You just don't want to make it a habit to where you're just pottying outside only from then on. You want to just do this for a little while and then try to have them sit again in the coming weeks.
So the other thing we want to try if they're not sitting, number eight, have another child teach them how to sit. Maybe they're just not feeling like, "Okay, I'm the only one sitting on this tiny little potty. I don't see anybody else doing it, so why should I do it?" Or maybe they just don't know how. Have another child who's slightly older teach them how to do it by showing them, when it's not potty time, how to do it, even with their clothes on.
Number nine. With a boy who only wants to pee standing up, and maybe they want to poop standing up too, so this could be complicated, but this has worked for some people, they get a tiny mini urinal off of Amazon or somewhere, and they can stand up and aim into that. So they're able to pee standing up into that urinal. If your girl pees straight up and you want to try a urinal, be my guest. The dad can also teach, or another boy can also teach how to stand, and aim, and point, and shoot their pee into a potty or outside. So that could help with the not sitting thing just by giving them another task to work on for a little while.
Number 10. Some people will have a basket of potty-only toys or one specific, very squishy, very interesting, very wonderful potty-only toy that helps the child relax, gets things relaxed and moving, and they only get that when they're sitting on the potty. Now, when the potty toy starts distracting from the task, that's when we want to remove it and just be more matter of fact. But this could get you through the won't sit period.
Number 11, my board book and my stuffed bear that matches the bear in my board book, Tiny Potty. And you can get two of my mini potties, Bear potties on one of them, and your baby potties on the other one. Sometimes all we need is a friend. So a potty companion can be super helpful, and the board book tells the whole process where the bear actually sits next to the baby on the potty, on his own potty, during the book. So if you got the board book and bear and two mini potties, this could solve your problem of won't sit. We want to be really matter of fact though, this is our routine, this is what we do. It's not necessarily play time, but it is serious, like, "This is time. Bear really needs to go, and so do you. So let's do it."
All right, number 12, talk less. Sometimes they won't sit because you are over-talking everything. Don't even say what you're doing. Just take them. They have nothing to resist, just matter of fact, time to go, boom, close the door. You guys are both in it together. The pants are off. You set them on the potty, turn around. Just don't talk so darn much.
Number 13, re-learn their natural timing and offer less per that new knowledge. So you can get my observation log for free, you can learn also how to do this in my book, in “The Basics, Part One.” You're learning, what is your baby's natural rhythm and interval between waking up and eating? How often do they go? Because this changes over time. And if you're sitting on the potty and really they don't need to go for another five or 10 minutes because their natural timing has expanded, then that information will help you to not offer quite so much. And then when you do sit them down on it, they will probably sit.
Number 14. You can have them potty standing in the tub or the shower stall for a little while. Some people have done this as a band-aid in between the times when they just wouldn't sit. And then, they don't make it a habit though, and eventually we do move back to the potty by putting the potty in the tub or the shower stall for them to practice sitting on, in this place where they feel comfortable going. So again, you get it into a somewhat appropriate place, not quite a potty, and baby steps to get it to where it goes, needs to go.
Number 15. Always, always, always soothe a fussy baby who is, for whatever reason, having a hard time that day, like my baby today, she's getting her front tooth in, and she's really fussy, and she doesn't want to go. If I'm holding her in arms, I will be running the water, singing and shushing, relaxing myself. That's just what we do. If we're putting a fussy one on a mini party, we do the same thing. Run a little bit of water, sing a song, shush, shush, shush, give a gentle hug, relax yourself. Maybe hold the baby in arms over the mini potty, facing away from you so that they still feel really close to you. Give them comfort. Maybe give them a cozy toy or blanket to hug.
And we're almost done here. Number 16, you can... This is funny. Remember in college, boys would play tricks on each other? Usually it was the boys. And somebody would be passed out drunk on the couch and someone would put their hand in warm water and they'd pee themselves. Okay, if you haven't done this, which I haven't done this, you've definitely seen it in a movie, right? Same concept. If we have the baby in arms and we run their foot, pass her foot through the water, lukewarm water, usually it'll be like, "Whoa, ah, stimulation, I need to pee, psss," and then they go. So if they're sitting on a mini potty or on a little toilet seat reducer, you can put their hand in warm water and you can go, "Psss," or, "mm, mm." And that has worked for a handful of people. Let me know if it works for you. I imagine my kid would probably want to play with the water, but who knows.
And here's our last one, you guys. If your child won't sit on the potty for potty time, number 17, you can install a vertical bar, like a towel rack or toilet paper roll holder, more so a longer one, or a handicap bar, next to the mini potty. Install it into the wall so they can grab onto that and slide their hand down while they sit and mount the potty themselves. If they need a little extra assistance because they're just really young, this vertical bar can absolutely help them grab on, sit down, and hold onto it while they go. It's really fantastic to see that. I've seen a few parents post pictures like that, taking that advice, and it works for some.
So try those out. There are 17 options. Just try one at a time, and hopefully we can resolve your won't sit problem. And by the way, by the time you resolve it, they're going to move on to something else anyway. EC always, always, always changes so quickly. Which reminds me, okay, our support forum for book owners, definitely get more help if you need it, or you can contact a coach for more help. We've got them all over the world. A lot of them are available by Skype if you don't have one near you. Go to godiaperfree.com/coaches to look one up in your area. And if you don't have one, you can join our coach program. The information's there as well.
I have a tip from a reader. It is nameless. No, her name is Cate. Cate didn't mention where she's from though. She's somewhere in the US. She began EC at six weeks and her baby is now 16 months old. Her tip is, "Like everything else I've experienced so far in parenting, everything is a phase. For a week, she would pee every time she was put in the high chair, and then she stopped. For a few weeks, she would arch her back and cry if I tried to put her on the potty, and then she stopped. The journey may not be linear, but if you just ride through the bumps, it all seems to work out." Oh my goodness, Cate, thank you so much for saying that. I love that.
And then we've got one more tip from Kmac in New York, began EC at one month old, baby's age was nine months when Kmac sent this in. "My tip, distraction with the same small toy when they're wriggly” is key to helping them stay seated. She uses a bath toy hippo, they call it the "hip-poo-potamus." So it's this one toy that they use every single time, helps the baby get distracted enough to stay seated long enough to get that poop or pee out. Thanks for that, Kmac. Very helpful.
Okay, now go comment over on the show notes, and we can interact and have some conversations, you guys, godiaperfree.com/60, comment over there. What will you try to help your baby sit today? And do you have any other ideas, things that have worked for you? Please add those to the comments. Always ask questions down there. We answer every one. Love to hear from you over in the comments there.
And tune in next week for another episode of the Go Diaper Free Podcast. If you're not subscribed, subscribe now. And please leave a review. It helps more people find out about EC, believe it or not. Go to godiaperfree.com/itunes if you're not listening in the app already, and leave your review. Tell people how much you love EC, tell people how much you love this podcast, and let's get more people aware that it even exists.
All right, you guys, I'm Andrea Olson with Go Diaper Free at godiaperfree.com, and I will see you next week.
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What will you try to help your baby stay seated on the potty today? Do you have any other ideas that have worked for you? Please leave a comment below!
I look forward to chatting with you in the comments.
xx Andrea
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About Andrea Olson
I'm Andrea and I spend most of my time with my 6 children (all under 10 yo) and the rest of my time teaching other new parents how to do Elimination Communication with their 0-18 month babies. I love what I do and try to make a difference in one baby or parent's life every single day. (And I love, love, love, mango gelato.)
just wanted to say that i LOVE that you offer the transcripts for all podcast! Such a huge, huge help, and i dont see that much on podcasts- thank you thank you thank you!!! <3
I’m so glad it helps you Jessica! I try to make my information as accessible as possible. xx Andrea
I’ve been waiting for this podcast to come out for a while now, baby’s been refusing to sit on the potty for what feels like forever! We have the mini potty and a seat reducer but she will just arch off of those. One day after an unsuccessful potty attempt I sat her on the edge of our sink (to wash her feet cause they were dirty) and she peed! And that’s how we’ve been going for a couple weeks…
Hi Lei, how young is your babe?! I like to leave mine bare feet too, and they end up cleaning the floor (instead of me doing it, obviously, I have little time for that, but I do vacuum). How I know he cleans the floor!? His feet are black lol. Maybe I will try that default when washing his feet. Thank you for sharing! :)
Late reply! But she was just 12 months at the time. Now at 14 months we still use the sink sometimes. Baby is more likely to sit these days, but not for very long;)
Nice work Lei! I’m so glad you found something that works for her. xx Andrea
Hello, great podcast with refreshing ideas, and love the encouraging recommendations at the ending. I did set a goal to wrap up EC at 16 mths and have yet to succeed. I feel like it’s too much pressure at this time, especially with the MamaWorx program that I’ve just started. My thoughts are; would it be just as okay to resume ECing my now 17mths and a half, and just let the process happen naturally with the option to potty train later. I think I will try getting a potty cozy for the tiny potty in the main living area, and maybe contain it in his Teepy, because he’s been peeing there during diaper free time. I would like to get a wall mounted vertical bar in addition to his realistic looking mini toilet from SkipHop, located in the bathroom. A urinal sound interesting, as he likes to pee standing. Or maybe the sit him on his potty in the tub idea sounds good.
That sounds like a great plan Isabelle! If you increase diaper free time slowly while doing EC you’ll likely have an organic wrap up happen. It doesn’t need to be a big ordeal, just gradual progression. I’m so glad you’re in MamaWorx! xx Andrea
Distraction seems to be key for our little one when she’s fussy and doesn’t want to sit. Doing something silly to make her laugh takes her mind off her discontentedness, and she’ll relax and sit down. Lately she’s been pleasantly distracted when I blow in her hair— she gets a big smile on her face! On the rare occasion that she becomes constipated, it helps her if I hug her while she’s sitting on the potty and sing her a song (“Row, Row, Row Your Boat” has been our go-to in that scenario)—that seems to give her the comfort and strength/confidence to push that poop out of there! Also, bath toys—we always have a rubber ducky right near the potty as her potty toy. And, of course, there are times when she’s so fussy and just downright refuses (in some of those crazy big developmental phases) and I simply say, “Say, no thank you, momma,” as I move her away from the potty to get her back in her diaper back up.
Distractions really do work Sarah! It sounds like you have figured out some really wonderful ways to work with your daughter. xx Andrea
After reaching the point where my kid was stable sitting on the potty, I’ve found sitting on the toilet at the same time really helped. She was out of diapers around 20 months and I still do that to convince her to sit on the potty or toilet before leaving the house, for example. It’s potty time for everyone that way, so there’s way less resistance :)
So true Rosa! Family potty trips really do work, I am so glad you discovered it. xx Andrea
Thanks for this podcast. We have tried quite a few things from that list. It constantly changes so if something didnt work before, might work now :)
Hi Kristina! EC really is a constantly evolving practice. Babies change so quickly, we have to be able to adapt. You just never know what will work! xx Andrea
Hi Andrea, greetings from Indonesia!
I found that your blog posts are so helpful to me.
I’ve been doing part-time EC with my 17 month old boy since 2 months ago.
He’s still won’t sit either on his ordinary mini potty or soft toilet seat reducer.
I’ve tried several tips from this post but haven’t make it yet.
I’m thinking of purchasing a potty which is shaped like a duck and the baby can move around with it since it has wheels. I think my baby will love it since he likes driving toy car and mini bikes.
But I’m worry if it will distract my baby so he will just playing and moving around with it, thus he won’t learn toileting instead.
What do you think?
Thank you in advance!
Hi Diana! If you think it might help, give it a try! xx Andrea
Hi, Thank you so much for this post! I’ve listened, watched, read, and re-read this so many times because…. my darling now-17.5-monther with whom we have been doing parttime EC since 6 weeks is an anti-sitter. Her go-to remains in-arms at the sink. For the past 6+ months, I tried your mini potty, the cozy, have your book and toy, an extra potty for her potty toy, a soft toilet seat reducer (even tried one with an attached ladder since she loves climbing), tried the bath-tub, have tried and re-tried every suggestion with the exception of a urinal (since she is a girl), She never once accepted sitting on the mini potty… Since she seemed to like watching me go, I even got her another mini potty which looks just like a toilet and has a cute flusher. She is amused by it, and with coaxing actually will sit but only with distraction.. However, 2 weeks in and she has never once voided on it. I know the timing is usually good, because countless time she immediately pees on the bathroom floor immediately upon standing up! She is not constipated, doesn’t have a uti etc etc. Do you have any other suggestions I can try? We are both getting too big for in-arms (I am pregnant) and I don’t know where else to go from here…. Your insight would be so appreciated! Thank you!
Hi! Have you ditched diapers? Moving into wrapping up can help make a difference. You can start with holding her over the seat reducer/potty. Then lower so she is sitting on your hands. Then finally she will be sitting on her own. Sometime it can take a little bit for them to get used to a new receptacle. You can also stand her in the bathtub/shower if she’s going while standing. xx Andrea
I’d really like to get the mini potty but I’m in Canada, is there somewhere I can buy it or similar without pricey shipping?
Thanks
Hi Elizabeth! We are looking into distributors, but I’m not sure when it will happen. I would suggest taking advantage of a sale, or trying to get a group order together with friends to save on shipping. xx Andrea
Hi, My 15 month old daughter wants to leave the potty seat as soon as she starts peeing, even though we’re singing or ready a book. She cries so hard when I don’t let her stand up. However, She seats In the potty if she’s not going to pee. What should I do?
Hi Kathy! You can try letting her stand in the tub/shower, it’s a step in the right direction. If you are just starting out with potty learning it is very common to see resistance. Right now she doesn’t understand that pee goes in the potty. As you continue to work on potty learning and do more diaper free time this will improve. xx Andrea
Thanks Andrea!
We started with EC around the 4th month and it was super, I follow your podcast and it has helped us a lot. There were times I caught all poops and pees for weeks and I felt that me and my baby bounded and that I could understand him. It was such a reward to get a poo or a pee in the potty. But baby started refusing the potty around the end of his 7th month (he will be 9 months tomorrow). He just won’t sit, he’ll scream and cry and he’ll stop after lifting him from the toilet sit. We tried to give him a toy but it didn’t work. We will try privacy (fingers crossed). On the otehr hand, he is also an early walker so I guess now I undertand what is going on cuz he would pee and poo standing upright and as soon i see the signal i would take it to the potty and he would cry out loud! It’s been really frustrating… wish us luck cuz we dont want to give up on EC.
Stay the course! These things will pass, make sure you are doing some observation time to make sure that your little one times and/or observations have changed.
Sounds like offering privacy may be just what your little one needs. 😊
Hi Andrea. I would consider myself a part-time ECer. I don’t remember exactly when I started, but a few months after birth. My son is 14 months now. I let him pee/poop into the sink until my wrists couldn’t bear it anymore. So we switched to the potty. It worked for a while but since a few weeks he crawls of right away. Often he pees on the floor right after.
I don’t know if I ruined it myself as I tried to hold him on the potty several times, like propping him up as soon as he tries to crawl of.
I‘m so frustrated and to be honest I take it quiet personally that he refuses something I try to make possible for him. I even ask myself from time to time if I do it for myself more than for him, I really don’t like changing poopy diapers.
Today I tried holding him over the toilet and it work for a peep. After lunch I was sure he has to poop (lot of farting), but he screamed and resisted like crazy, so after a few trials I put him back in a diaper.
Is there anything else that you would recommend?
Best wishes Tamara (from Switzerland)
Hi Tamara,
Thanks for reaching out. Finding your community is important. Having a major developmental leap can put a kink in your little ones potty routine. Being able to crawl is exciting, and makes babies want to explore more than sit on the potty. I would do some observation time to make sure your little ones timing hasn’t changed. Most importantly try backing off a little and see if that helps.
Since you have the book, make sure you reach out on Mighty Networks to our community members and certified coaches for more help. 💕
hello Andrea,
thanks for all your tips !🙏🏾
i wrote you the other day on Insta and then I checked this whole episode and read more about this pausing thing, but somehow i’m afraid that my baby will become constipated if i continue offering him toilet.
he is turning 17months next week, and so far he has always been so collaborative and easy going, he would even bring his potty or pull our pants to tell us he needs to caca (or pee) since he is unable to sit or pull down his clothes and cloth diapers.
suddenly with all teeth growing (his all four canines are about to come out and his molars are half out) he became a bit weird 😀. breastfeeding more often and fully refusing to go to potty. he has diapers and as soon as i try to open his bottom he is protesting. this morning when i put him on potty (coz he still can’t do it by himself) he stood up immediately run towards the stairs gate and started urinating there… i also noticed twice he caca standing up. when i saw him doing so, I came to dress him off he stopped. that’s why i am afraid to continue offering him if he is already doing this in his diaper and stopping if i do something. i’m scared it will cause more problems.
i tried privacy, tried with toys, model how we do, try in shower but no luck.
i noticed also that he never wanted my hands to help him walking nor any other things (like helping him to sit on his tricycle) and he did all those things by himself. so i’m wondering if he wants to master this by himself too! but not sure what to do and how to behave, it’s really frustrating 😖😇
is there anything else you would suggest?
i appreciate your help!
thanks heaps ! D
You can offer independence by asking if he wants to use the big potty or tiny one. Asking if he wants to take the toy he is playing with to the bathroom or leave it here. These choices can make them feel that they are in control.
Pushing down the pants is another great skill to start working on, but more importantly is the “back, back, squat sit” skill. This is such an important one, because it gives them a lot of independence of getting on and off the potty by themselves. Lastly, at this age, I would try letting your little one pee standing up. ❤️
Thanks Andrea for your reply!
We have two potties and sometimes he would bring them to us but now only when he has already done peeing or pooping. We don’t have a toilet seat for him yet.
I did so many times in the bathroom with toys,t machine on or toilet papers (he loves that so toys are not useful at all) and he would sit but stand up either when I leave the bathroom or when he gets bored, and the potty would be empty. but after 10mins he would pee pee naked somewhere else. I would caught him and put him back to potty but again nothing.
It is so frustrating since for so many months it worked so well for us!!! Same goes for caca and I’m quite sick of pre-washing the nappies.
He is caca and pee standing up usually now, but If I take him to do that in the bathroom he would stop, and I feel like im stopping him from caca. :((
He doesn’t know how to push the pants down (since he has body it is more complicated to open and cotton nappies too) and if I take him just to change his nappies (even without saying do you want to go pee pee or saying we will pee now) he would start protesting already. if I put him on the potty with his clothes on he is ok, otherwise he is protesting. Also, he was trying to sit by himself on the potty (going behind the potty and reaching it frontal) but only with his clothes on. I let him try to do without nappies but he doesnt want, I let him do his own pace but nothing, he would just run around naked.
I feel like all we did is gone now, and I get so tired of trying all these things, and nothing would work. Im wondering if there was something wrong I was doing, and when we were putting him on the potty without asking him (do you want to pee) is the reason why he is refusing now…
Im not sure for anything now.
Thanks and if you have any more suggestion, I would appreciate too.
Always trust your intuition! It is often right. If you feel that just putting him on the potty and not saying anything isn’t working anymore then I suggest you do what you are guided to do, or say “Time to go to the potty!” Then take his hand and lead him to the bathroom.
If he fights you, simply say you trust that he will tell you when he needs to go, and then trust him.💕
Thanks a lot for your video ! I’ve been looking for advice but in French there is not much available .. I’ve been procticing EC with my daughter since she is 2 weeks ; at 6 months it was not so bad, we had almost all the poops and the wake up pees (but she never really answered to my suggestions for peeing, usually it was the right time but she would do on the floor or in her diaper a few minutes after ?!). Then all changed ; she started to sit and stand up and crawl and won’t stay in the potty / in arms on the toilet or sink / sit on a small potty. And when I see her poop (usually standing up) and I take her to the potty she can stop and finish later in the diaper or on the floor ! I don’t want to insist if she doesn’t want to but I haven’t found the solution. She’s now almost 10 months and will go soon at kindergarden (so back to diapers). I usually use diapers without the waterproof thing (sorry can’t find the English word) or no diaper. At night I just change her when she wakes up because sleep is way too complicated with her and I don’t want to risk waking her up by offering the potty (especially is she doesn’t want the potty !). I don’t really know what to do (I’ve tried toys, nature, water …), thanks anyways for your website !!!!
First, thank you so much for watching! I would try doing a complete reset with her, first taking a small break maybe for a few days then going back to observation times and changing the back up. Try for those easy catches after transition times like naps, meals, and baths. Also, if you don’t already have my book Go Diaper Free, start there! I also have a subscription service, Potty Tribe, where weekly on Friday’s coaches get together over Zoom to help mommas such as yourself troubleshoot any EC and potty training issues they may be encountering with their little ones.
Thank you so much for your answer ! Ive been stopping offering the potty indeed but when I tried again a few days ago it’s the same refusal. Do you think it can be “spoiled” for real ? I really don’t know what to try now :S
Going back to naked observation times to try to narrow down baby’s natural potty rhythms, if she is in a disposable, changing to a cloth prefold or tiny trainers can help increase awareness, even a change of scenery or a book or toy to help keep baby sitting can be a great help. If you don’t already have my book I would recommend starting there! I have outlines for every stage and many more troubleshooting guidelines. I also have a new subscription service Potty Tribe were on a weekly basis, coaches, as well as myself, help troubleshoot the weeks potty issues you may be experiencing!
Fun story that I was thinking of as you talked about the warm water trick…I started removing diapers from my 15 month old daughter at the start of summer, so right as our air conditioner was coming on. She was fascinated by the air vents and for the first couple of weeks always wanted to go feel the air when it came on. The sudden blast of cool air also made her pee every time. So I moved her toddler potty next to a vent and encouraged her to sit on it when the air came on. No resistance during those times!