Wet pants! Okay or not okay??

Hey there, welcome to the Go Diaper Free podcast. I'm Andrea Olson, your host, author, and mom of five babies - all ECed from birth, all out of diapers by walking.

This is episode 200, Wet Pants! Okay or Not Okay?? You can find the show notes over at godiaperfree.com/200. Leave a comment, ask a question, and also see the links to all the things mentioned in today's show.

Is it okay to have wet pants during EC or potty training, or is it not okay? What do you think? I have a guess that most of you are probably going to get this incorrect. You probably think it's not okay to have wet pants. But today, I'm going to debunk that myth. It's actually quite all right in some situations to have wet pants.

If you’re in a traditional Montessori school, your child in the 12 to 18 month class will be put immediately into cotton pants. One of our Go Diaper Free Certified Coaches told me years ago that when Montessori schools are run traditionally, as Maria Montessori intended, children are taken out of diapers in that class, the 12 to 18 month class, because it's a sensitive period for potty learning.

Now, they don't count how many wets a child has in a day. They don't hold it against a child. They don't count as the teacher's failing or the child's failing or that potty training is going terribly.

It is literally all a learning experience. The number of wet pants does not matter in a Montessori classroom. What matters is that learning is taking place. Now, what kind of learning, might you ask?

Physiologically, they're feeling the instant feedback of, “when I feel this sensation in my belly and I release, my pants get wet.” It's cause and effect. It's very basic.

Also, because they're doing this in a classroom setting, you've got the social pressure of, “I don't really want to be wet around others.” However, “if I'm wearing a diaper, I don't mind being wet and nobody really knows what's happening.” But in cotton pants, it is happening out in the open. So that's a little example from Montessori, which our last show is all about.

Wet pants, in my book, are okay most of the time. I'll tell you when they're not okay. When they're not okay, is when you've gone through the whole potty training process and you've got wet pants every day. That means we need to do the potty training process over again. This has nothing to do with EC.

During EC, we definitely want to use wet pants as an opportunity. It's not “do or die.” It's not make or break. EC does not have to be perfect. If you're trying to make it perfect, please stop. It will not work.

I am okay with wet pants, but I also see it as a sign that something might need to change. We covered that a couple of episodes ago when we talked about how to handle changes as your baby develops. (One thing to do is change the backup, so you have less wets.)

What we want to do is to be prepared during this specific couple week or couple month learning process during EC, which is zero to 18 month babies. We want to be prepared with dry changes of clothes. What I recommend is a wet/dry bag and some backups. (I sell both of these at tinyundies.com.) A wet/dry bag has one pocket for all of your wets when you're on the go and one pocket for all of the dries. It's made out of PUL, which is a waterproof material.

How do you use a wet/dry bag to be prepared? You put in several training pants (or undies) in the dry pocket, which is a smaller pocket, and then leave the wet pocket open. When you have a wet on an outing, it's not a huge deal. Learning is taking place. You're learning, your child is learning. It's all good, relax. We do want to be prepared, however, so that we can be relaxed.

At home, set up a station wherever you keep your potty. In my book, you can keep the potty wherever you want to, whatever's working for you. Set up a station near that potty , as part of that potty station even, that has a long, full length mirror, and a little stool your child can sit on. Now you can help them learn how to dress and undress when there is a wet pants situation. That's what they do in the Montessori classrooms. They use wet pants as a learning experience.

The child will push the wet pants halfway down, sit on the stool, then push them the rest of the way. Emphasize “push”. Push them down and then push them the rest of the way after you're seated. And then we go on the potty because just because you're wet, doesn't mean there might not be more. So let's see. There might even be poop because you let a little pee out because you need a poop.

We allow them a “potty-tunity”, an opportunity to go potty. Then we go ahead and have them help to redress. The type of station that makes changes easy has a basket of dry backups and a little basket for the wets, or a wet/dry bag hanging from a doorknob or something. Have the child grab a dry backup, help them put them on their feet. This is where the Learn undies and the Learn trainers really help because they've got different colored leg holes. If you don't have these, get some, just for this purpose.

The child puts the Learn undies (or trainers) on the ground with Bear looking at them. One leg goes through the blue hold, one leg through the grey. Grab the orange handles and pull them up to their knees. (Because they're sitting on a stool.) Then, have them stand up, holding onto you or holding onto a support bar. (Some people will install a bar vertically next to the potty station so children can pull themselves up.) Then have them grab the undies again and pull the rest of the way up. You'll probably have to assist on the rear.

This is a way that we can use wet pants as a learning opportunity of “how we change into dry pants” because we want our children to experience dry pants most of the time. We want to make this a learning experience in multiple ways. We don't want to over-talk it, but want to say, "Hey, you're wet. Let's go." Take the wet backup off and help them do what they can for themselves. Look at my last episode on Montessori. You'll understand that we're assisting them. We're not doing it for them.

Also, since we're dealing with less than 18 months old, we're not going to have that, "No, no, no," struggle. We're not going to have that same rebellion that we'll have with a two or three-year-old. So, definitely put in the investment of time now, and then you won't have to do it later.

As part of the learning experience, say something like, "Oh, let's try it. Let's see if there's more." Have them get on the potty and assist them with wiping, etc. Then have them pull the undies or trainers up to their knees, stand up, pull the rest of the way up while you assist. Oftentimes, if you put your hand in the front and the back, they can pull it better than if they just do it on the sides. It really depends on the age.

Keep in mind that a process is occurring. You will do better if you are relaxed during this process and trust it. Trust me, trust yourself. Trust in this process. This is part of learning. Your baby is smarter than you will ever know. I know those of you who do EC already think that your babies are smart and that all babies are smart.

When things look like they're going nonlinear and awry, children are actually reestablishing homeostasis. There's learning happening. There's a process happening. Trust in that.

In summary, wet pants are okay unless you've already finished EC, you've had dry pants for months and months, then all of a sudden you get a bunch of wets. Or you've potty trained, then you get a bunch of wets after successful potty training. Then we have an issue and want to troubleshoot that.

In my Tiny Potty Training Book, go to the end, about various types of accidents. If you're potty training or doing EC and you're having a bunch of accidents and you have one of my books, go on my book owner's forum, let my coaches help you out. Usually, (like I talk about in podcast 197) you want to do a couple of changes like location, potty, or backup if these accidents come out of nowhere.

Remember, when just doing day-to-day EC, misses are just a part of the regular learning process. You're A-okay.
Please let me know, do you think wet pants are okay or not okay? Do you have any questions? Go over to the show notes at godiaperfree.com/200 and leave us your comment there. I look forward to discussing with you, there!

Thanks so much for listening. This is the Go Diaper Free Podcast at godiaperfree.com. We'll see you next time.