Normalization

Early potty independence can cause better toddler behavior, freeing up the brain to learn. It’s called “normalization” in the Montessori school of thought, and something I feel compelled to share with you about today!

A few years ago I received an email from our Certified Coach, Elizabeth, in Colorado. She is an AMI certified teacher - a Montessori educator who specialized in the 12-18 month class at the time we spoke.

The children in her class wore cotton underpants with no outer pants right when they entered the 12-18 month old classroom, regardless of whether the parents were engaged in any sort of potty training at home. The core Montessori philosophy is to take care of potty capabilities during the 12-18 month stage of “sensitivity” to that task, as I’ve covered previously in this podcast.

That is the core task that the entire class takes on through rhythms, increasing sensitivity by wearing cotton pants, and “group training” in a matter of fact way - this is what we do here. The environment is set up for success with small toilets and things all arranged in a child-accessible, simple manner.

After the children are all confident in their pottying abilities, they are able to move on to their next “work” with a clear mind and self-efficacy under their belt.

I asked Elizabeth about this - because it is so impressive to train an entire group of 1 year olds to do anything! - and she replied that early potty learning at this absorbent age actually normalizes children’s behavior and frees them up to learn the next thing with a calm demeanor. It reduces tantrums and causes peace in the soul of the young toddler. A contentedness that is unshakable. An efficacy and self-knowledge that strengthens the child and reduces the need for tantrums and wild, disruptive behavior.

As she told me this, I realized that, yes!, this must be why I’m constantly told at restaurants and on outings that my children are SO well-behaved. They have had full mastery over their bodies, ownership, control, from very early ages, which honors them as people and allows their dignity to remain intact. They are GOOD kids, well-behaved, and have a sense of calm inner peace to them (mostly! When at home alone with mom, that’s another story LOL.).

Elizabeth shared this email with me to explain:

The fact that the toddlers act differently when toilet trained is what Montessori calls the process of normalization. Toilet learning is one major factor in aiding the child's sense of order. The purpose of dressing young toddlers in cotton underwear is not necessarily to have dry pants. It is to develop the child's will. This is one thing the child has full control over, and once given the opportunity the child is delighted to show that he or she can control it.

Many research studies have been done in relation to the process of normalization.  One good book about these research studies is The Science Behind the Genius, by Angeline Stoll Lillard. 

So I, being the inquisitive little Virgo that I am, grabbed a copy of Lillard’s book and began flipping through its encyclopedia-like chapters.

What I found is a LOT of evidence that supporting a child’s developing will, in complete rhythm and harmony with their natural development, absolutely frees them up to learn things and move more securely and calmly through the world.

Toddlers find a sense of order and right action once this self-mastery has taken place.

Makes sense!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a child who looks so anxious, so wild, so completely ungrounded - one whom I just want to hold and rock and tell “it’s okay, it’s okay” - one who just runs out into the parking lot and cares not what mom or dad says...a child without a sense of calm or groundedness. And every single time I see a child ridden with anxiety like this, I see a very full diaper with probably 6 hours of pee in it, sagging down toward their knees like a sad puppy begging for food (or to be changed). Every. Single. Time.

I assumed the two were connected...maybe the child is trying to run away from that literal baggage and trying to find his sense of dignity somewhere else far, far away. Maybe she is crying out for literal help...needing released from this embarrassing shackle but not knowing how exactly to ask for its removal (because no one thinks she’s mature enough to handle going to the bathroom, herself...being potty trained).