This is episode 167. And this time we're going to talk about potty training. So this is typically 16 to 18 months and up, and we're going to talk about inconsistencies with potty training today. You can see the show notes over at godiaperfree.com/167, where you will be able to read the transcript of this entire show and also leave comments, and ask questions of us there. Hey there, welcome to the Go Diaper Free Podcast. I'm Andrea Olson, your host, author, and mom of five babies, all EC'd from birth, all out of diapers by walking.
So if you're experiencing inconsistency with potty training, I want you to do what I recommend to my EC people as well, is to forgive yourself because you only know what you know when you know it, right? That's a mouthful, but you literally don't know how to potty train. If you're doing potty training after having done EC, EC is not potty training, so how could you know what you're doing?
If you're doing potty training with my help or with the help of people in any of my groups, and you have never done potty training of any kind before, then how could you know what you're doing? But if you've got a few of these symptoms I'm about to list, then you are probably having trouble with being consistent with potty training, and committing to the process, basically. And we're going to talk about how to remedy that as well.
So if your child is showing a lack of interest in the potty, now that is definitely a sign that we have a commitment issue from the parents. And I'm kind of a tough love kind of a gal, so I'm going to tell you like it is. If there is a commitment issue from the parents, then that is only up to you to fix in order for potty training to go forward smoothly. So a lot of what I do is not do us teaching about EC and potty training, a lot of what I do is helping with mindset, with parenting mindset. So if your child is showing a lack of interest, like they were super interested in the potty and now they're not at all, it's because you have a lack of interest or lack of faith in the process. And it might be unconscious, like how would you know this is happening? If you knew that was happening, you put would stop it, right? Right. So again, we're talking about potty training here, not EC.
Lack of interest with EC usually means that your child is doing something developmentally, a big task that they're trying to go through and you just have to stick with EC in order to get through it. Lack of interest with potty training is, you, and I'll talk about this in a second, might just need to start the process over and quickly go through what you've already covered.
But lack of interest is usually pointing right back, you point the finger at somebody and you got three fingers pointing back at you. Yeah, so that's something of a parenting issue. And the other reason you might know that you're having problems with potty training is because your child will go sometimes and won't go at other times. So that's a problem, they're being inconsistent. How do we address our children's inconsistency in potty training?
Well, usually they're inconsistent with part of potty training because there's some piece of the puzzle that they're missing, and it's almost impossible to figure out and pinpoint what that piece is, without just doing over. Again, like I just said another potty training experience from the beginning as if you've never done it, but it'll be a lot faster. Okay, here's the other thing, if we choose to be inconsistent as parents with potty training because we think is the gentle way, I have to tell you right now, that is not gentle. That is confusing. So when we just say, "You know what? In my heart, I really wish this could be over, but I've been told that I should be gentle and really slow and really level and even with my kid, and not push it at all," you're getting bad information that's usually from the big dive for companies, who really want you to fail. We talked about that last time.
So if you want to try to do the gentle thing that everybody's been telling you, then this will take 12 months. If you want to do it in a way that works, that our grandparents and great grandparents did it, this can happen in about 12 days. And I'm not going to give you an exact timeline, but I'm telling you that your mindset about whether you should be gentle, or not really does make a difference with potty training.
So if you're watching this or listening to this and you've got EC on your mind, and you're not even ready for potty training yet, that's fine. Just keep this in mind though, that if we start to drop the ball, it is up to us as parents to pick that ball back up because this is a gift to children. Being diaper free at a developmentally appropriate age, which is typically anywhere from 12 to 18 months, and if you're doing potty training, then as soon as you hear about potty training and you start to do it, is the time to do it, then you are honoring your baby.
Because mammals aren't born wanting to soil themselves, they're born signaling to the opposite of that. So we want to help them because we live in a diapering culture and we have been totally brainwashed. I'll just name it. So if you're here potty training a three or four-year-old, then you know that there has been something that has gotten in the way of your intuition as a parent, and what you felt like was right, and what the culture told you to do.
So it's not your fault. Now, even if you're dealing with a daycare, you can still be consistent with potty training. What you do in this case is you potty train for one weekend, potty train the next weekend, and you send them in a diaper backup in the middle, cloth if you can, especially when you have poop training down, you can send them in training pants. And I have Tiny Trainers, which are really absorbent and TinyUps are pull up covers that go over them, over at tinyundies.com if you need.
So when potty training and dealing with the daycare, you just do the immersive potty training. Maybe you can take one day off, two days, two weeks in a row, so you take two total days off. You do a three-day weekend of potty training the first weekend, a three-day weekend the next weekend, in between you send a back up. And then after that, you stop sending them in diapers. And typically, if you film a video of your file, doing it at home, the daycare will believe you.
I do have handouts on this. If you go to Go Diaper Free Daycare, you can get the handout for you and the handout for your daycare teacher. But if you're being inconsistent with potty training, because you believe that daycare has ruined your chances of potty training your child, like, "Why would I even bother because the daycare's not going to do it?" these are myths that are keeping you back.
There are absolutely ways around it and I'm telling you right now that you can get through that, and probably more easily than you thought. So something to look forward to. So again, if your child's showing lack of interest or being inconsistent with their pees and poops in the potty, here is the solution.
If you don't have my book, The Tiny Potty Training Book, that's the one for 18 months and up, you can get that at Go Diaper Free PT Book. That's P as in Paul, T as in Tom, Book. What I want you to do is to start over this potty training process. If you don't have my book, then get it, read it, set your schedule for it, and just follow it. Trust the process because it totally works. If you have already done potty training of any kind, including mine, and there's some gaps in learning there, and something's off, and there's inconsistency from you or your child, either one, and it's totally fine, we love you anyway. You can that you've made a mistake and you've been slacking on it.
Again, this is a gift and the longer you wait, the longer it takes. So let's just nip it in the bud. You start over until each step clicks. So you go through the whole potty training process again, as if you've never done it before. Even if you've done EC, if you've only done potty training and failed, great, you're here now, you get to fix it now. So do the whole potty training experience as outlined in my book exactly. That will fill in any kind of inconsistent gaps and weird stuff that's going on because we don't know what that is at all until we sit down and do the whole training again, and then mysteriously, the holes are filled.
The other thing I really want to recommend to you and leave you with to the day is to get some rest. I know it's hard, especially if your child is still not sleeping through the night, and if you're dealing with a two, three or four-year-old, who's waking up at night, wetting the bed, things like that. We do address nighttime training in my book as well. But get some rest. And the key to getting more rest is for you, the parent, to go to bed early. That is it. If you make it to bed early, you can get up before your child, you can do things that nourish you like prayer, light a candle, do some yoga, do some meditation, whatever works for you to recharge your batteries.
Take a shower before the kids wake up, or the kid wakes up. So get some rest. And my other recommendation for you to increase your consistency for potty training and everything else in your life is to exercise. So go on a walk with your child. If you're still baby wearing, wear them. If you're not, push them in the stroller. If you want to walk next to them, go find a trail, go hiking, get outside, and get your body moving. If you can't get outside because of the climate right now, all you have to do is lay down on your floor, with your child playing next to you or near you, and maybe they get on top of you like mine do. All you have to do is just move your spine, get on the ground and roll around a little bit. That counts as exercise, do one Sun Salutation from yoga, and I guarantee you your body will go, "Oh my gosh, I love this so much. Thank you."
Because when we get in a funk about parenting, usually our bodies get frozen and we don't move. And I think movement and good sleep is going to help you be a better mom. I know it will. It helps. It helps me and I'm five in right now, five children. So if you have my book, what I want to challenge you to do is to read it again, just the part of the potty training experience, phase one, step one, and start over. If you do not have my book, get it right now. And don't waste more time because it's going to tell you exactly what to do. And if you've had struggles with potty training, you're not going to know what to do. The other thing is, if you're not ready to get my book yet, and you just need your mind to be in at place, then get my 3-day Potty Training Primer.
And that, you just go to godiaperfree.com, click the older age group, 18 months and up, and it'll take you straight to my free 3-day email sequence, that will get you in the right mindset. And then maybe at that time, you'll be ready to get my book, maybe not, but at least you'll get the right mindset, which is again, so key. So I hope that this has helped you today. And I really hope that you can find some more consistency in potty training if that's something you're missing.
So go on over to the show notes right now, godiaperfree.com/167. And please leave a comment or ask a question there. And in the comments, I would love to know what is the one thing you're going to do today to get you and baby more consistent with potty training? I would love to know, so go on over to that link right now and leave a comment, please. And also, leave a review wherever you're listening to this podcast, because more people will find out about early potty training options if you do that. And when you do that, I thank you so much.
Thanks so much for are listening. This is the Go Diaper Free Podcast at godiaperfree.com. We'll see you next time.
I have an 18 mo old that has been ECed since 3 months. I am on the first week of potty training per your book. I know she can do all the steps because I’ve seen it. She does better naked than commando. She’s never seemed to consolidate pees when doing diaper free time. Always 15 mins. We’ve had good a good day yesterday where she held it on an outing for 3! hours but then today is going every 15 mins. She knows how to sign to potty but we have safe spaces and has somehow decided that saying she has to go pee is a way out of whatever room she’s in. So. I’ve put the mini potty back in the living room, and some books in all areas. If I give her privacy she gets off the toilet. If I read to her she signs to get a book read on the potty but isn’t going. Otherwise she starts going in her pants and then signs mid stream. We are dealing with a lot of back and forth. Can you help? Do I ignore that asl potty sign? Do I take her every time eventhough I know it’s for something else? She’s so dang smart.
Generally in the learning phase we want to honor the request to go. She is excited about her new found talent, and that excitement will wear off in time.
Every 15 minutes sounds like she isn’t fully releasing while on the potty. Try encouraging her to “push, push, push, the rest of her pee out.”
Also, it seems like you are giving her more attention while she is on the potty… which is natural, but make sure you give her more while she is off the potty, so she goes and does her business when she is on the potty.
Yes, lots of inconsistencies, including not wanting to poop on the potty. It seems to be part power struggle and part dislike for pooping in a seated position. While doing EC, almost all poops were in the toilet. When I started potty training, still most poops were in the toilet. Now it can be weeks between poop making it in the toilet. It is so frustrating.
Yes, we have more or less the same situation here. He was happily sitting in the potty from 4th to 8th month and when he realized about what was happening, now he only pee and poo diaper free in an stand up position, hope this is a phase… learning processes are not lineal so… patience, i can not think about other tip
Yes! Learning is non-linear and it is great to hear you say that.
Keep offering and trying, eventually they will get there. Sometimes it is a matter of moving the potty to a different location where they will happily sit long enough to relax and go.
Try offering privacy while your kiddo is on the potty trying to poop. Just tell your little one that you will be right back, that way they get a little privacy.
You can also try stacking books under a floor potty or getting a kids squatty potty for the toilet.
My two year old son is doing great with wees but does a poo every nap time in his cot and rarely in the toilet. Any advice?
Try offering him privacy before nap to see if he will poop then.
Often times pooping during nap is a way of asking for some privacy.
My 20 month old and I are stuck in naked phase! When things clicked for her it was so exciting to see her always stop what she was doing and go potty. However, the moment we do comando or the tiny trainers, she doesn’t signal (only after she’s gone). All of her physical signals are gone as well. Ive read your book and Im not sure what to do. It is very tempting to pull the diapers back out (ngl) , but we’re so close. We’ve EC’ed in the past but met a giant resistance phase and she even resists simple prompts. It’s like the word “pee”, “poop” or “potty” can trigger a tantrum.
I spent all afternoon scouring the book (something I rarely have time for) and found “Pee Issues”! Will start from here and hopefully make some progress!
If you can’t find what you are looking for, don’t forget to hop on over to Mighty Networks and post your question there. It is free for book owners :)
Often times the resistances at that age is because they are about to wrap up. You can try backing off and teaching her more independence around the potty.
Hi, my 3 year old is in school and is inconsistent. He is comfortable peeing in his pants. But he is potty trained. He would never poop on his pants but looks like he is quite comfortable peeing on himself. Any advice. His school complained about him not being potty trained and we have to get to the fully trained stage with no accidents anymore in about 2 weeks
This episode was what I needed to have the confidence to trust my gut. We have been arcing since 2 months old which cloth backups and she was doing fantastic. When she started walking at 11 months old I started passing the baton and was out of diapers at 14 months. That’s where we ran into problems she was non verbal it felt a lot more like prolonged EC because she couldn’t sign to me so I still needed to be a pretty big part of the process. She is 21 months old now and recently started having a bunch of accidents and I couldn’t figure out why. My gut was telling me it was the diapers at daycare signalling inconsistency to her. I decided to switch her to cloth at daycare and I did the potty training experience again and I saw a difference in like a day. She is still having accidents but not everyday and almost never with me. When I heard the part of this episode about a daycare that doesn’t support you and the suggestion to just do it on weekends and send them in cloth I felt so validated! I feel like I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you!
So glad to hear that mama! I truly hope that at 21 months old, they daycare will be more willing to have her in undies, and all will be well!
My baby is 16 months and we did the potty training protocol at 14 months. She’s never pooped in the potty and stopped signaling until she’s already wet herself which doesn’t bother her one bit. My husband and I are so frustrated (another baby due in a month). We’re up to our eyeballs in wet undies daily. She runs away from the potty and screams, then she pees shortly after. She knows how to signal and she knows how to go but won’t. How do we fix that?
The Tiny Potty Training book is geared for children 18 months and over, it can also be used to wrap-up EC at slightly earlier ages. However, just jumping right in to the full potty training experience at 14 months is not going to yield the same results as starting 4 months later! I think you may have had unrealistic expectations, based on babies age. So, what to do now? I truly think a reset would be best, so that she can reduce her resistance to the potty, and you can all calm your frustrations. After baby is born and life has gotten back into a normal, predictable routine, I am certain it will go better! 😊