I am getting a divorce. Surprise! But...I really want you to be happy for us because we are certain it’s the perfect decision for our family.
Call it conscious uncoupling if you want - it’s all good.
But...Andrea, why are you sharing this with us today? What does divorce have to do with EC??
I’m sharing about my divorce today to connect with you in a real way, be witnessed by our beautiful community, address how YOU might ground your potty routines in the midst of a big transition, and to share what I’m calling into my life now (and ask for your prayers and blessings on it).
I made a fun FAQ for our divorce to sort of address it in a humorous way, because I am a student of improv acting and I just can’t help but bring joy to something that is the RIGHT thing for both of us and our children.
So, let’s dive into…
Andrea’s Divorce FAQ
Q: What does an FAQ on your divorce have to do with elimination communication?
A: To squash rumors and promote connection in our community, I have to be transparent with you. And you might have questions about things as I move on in my life (like where the heck did “that guy” go...or, perhaps in the future, who’s “that new guy” in your Instagram feed LOL).
Q: What does divorce have to do with EC or potty training?
A: Regarding EC, any time any of you go through a major life transition, potty symptoms can arise! Moving, illness, job change, divorce. These are the biggies.
I want to take this opportunity to discuss how divorce can affect potty training and elimination communication.
To keep Twyla, now 2 1/2 and diaper-free since 13 months day, 17 months night, on track with her potty habits during this separation, divorce, and newness of single living...I am checking MY OWN ENERGY and vibe and ensuring that I am calm and centered, every single day, and that when I get out of whack, I get centered right quick again.
I am also calling in support during stressful times of the day - soon-to-be-ex-husband is coming over morning and night to help me with the 5 kiddos.
The more I am centered, and supported, the less likely potty issues are to arise. I hope this models hope for those of you who are also going thru major life transitions - it will be okay! Stay the course! Strengthen you and your own foundation, and all will be well in potty land.
Now, back to our FAQ!
Q: Aren’t you guys a power couple?
A: If by power you mean nuclear combustion, then yes.
Q: But I thought you guys were happily married?
A: Things are usually never what they seem. Take world events starting in March 2020, continuing thru November 2020 and early January 2021, and I think you’ll know what I mean.
(Also, check my feed. Hubs hasn’t shown up there very much lately. 1+1=2 in this case!)
Q: Is it amicable?
A: Yes, very
Q: Is it mutual?
A: Yes, very
Q: Whose fault is it?
A: Depends on who you ask! 😆 Seriously, though, it’s completely mutual.
Q: Who’s moving out?
Q: Where will the kids live?
A: With Andrea. We were both raised in broken families and had to go back and forth between homes. We don’t want that for our children.
Q: Where will he go?!
A: He’s going to build a concrete home into the landscape. Ahem, a bunker. Got land? He’s also gonna visit the kids a ton so that they have a sense of consistency and connection with him.
Q: Are you still going to have time to do this podcast, blog, YouTube channel, make courses, write books, make undies...all the things you do for our EC community?
A: Yes! I’ve always done all this by myself, and I’ve now got an amazing team of women around the world who help me support y’all at Go Diaper Free, Tiny Undies, and MamaWorx. I have called in a lot of support. I continue to work just 3 hours per day while my amazing part-time nanny oversees the kids’ reading and nap times. The rest of the time I am blessed to be with my children, even when it’s totally exhausting and crazy-time. However. Things are already even BETTER than before because I am more healthy, happy, and unencumbered by my former “6th child.” LOL. Some of you know what I mean, maybe.
Q: Will the kids be okay?
Q: Are you sure?
A: Yes. My mother stayed with my father way longer than was healthy - for her or us. I would have rather had a poor mom than an unhappy one. And, yeah...I always secretly blamed myself for her unhappiness. That’s a burden I do not want my children to carry like I did.
Q: How can I support you thru this?
A: If you’re in Asheville, come to my monthly ladies tea parties. If not, a simple prayer will suffice! You can also comment below with anything positive or encouraging or uplifting (please, no Debbie Downers! I am certain and clear about this super-positive, healthy decision.)
Q: Can I convince you guys to stay together?
Q: Can I give you puppies, dance shoes, money, jewelry, essential oils, to stay together?
Q: But wait! We’re in the middle of a pandemic and riots and the world is falling apart! Shouldn’t you just wait a little bit?
A: I would definitely agree that we are in the middle of crazy times. I have VERY strong opinions about this period of time (don’t get me started about the TRUTH), and believe that we are not getting the full picture. That said, I am physically and emotionally prepared to live without a man for the time being. (Hello, 2A.) I have neighbors and people who care about me and, btw, David isn’t exactly disappearing. We will be fine.
My mental health and that of my children is way more important than “what-if’s,” ya know?
Q: Are you sure you’ve tried everything?
A: Yes. When David chose for the 2nd time in 4 months to not show up for couples therapy, my decision was crystal clear. Without MUTUAL GROWTH as a couple, there is no hope, IMHO. It takes work from both people.
Remember back when I told you about Love + Respect? Well, I read the book, did alllll the work by myself, and he never reciprocated with his own work on himself...leaving me feeling unmet. I became exhausted. Not getting your needs met in any relationship, esp a toxic one such as ours, is not good!
Q: Are you ever gonna get remarried?
A: My hope is to be blessed with a forever-husband (you know, like a furever friend adopted from the pound!) who is kind, gentle, growth-oriented, and who loves my children and is excited to share life with us. For that, yes, I would get remarried in a heartbeat.
Q: Are you gonna have more babies?
Q: Can I say congratulations to you?
A: Yes. I really want you to be happy for us because we are happy with our decision.
What I’m calling in
I am calling in kindness, love, and simplicity.
I’d like to someday have a trustworthy, amazing, sweet husband.
If possible, God-willing, and time-willing (geez I’m 42!), I’d love another baby.
We’ll see what happens.
Please say a prayer or light a candle or sing a song for me today...for ease and grace, love and simplicity, support and happiness. Thank you.
Oh! And, what I’m doing to prevent another toxic relationship...
It all starts with ME. We write the handbook on how others treat us. I learned that from Terri Cole, Author of Boundary Boss (OMG, get a copy!).
Some of you know that I’ve gone through, not one!, but two of these types of relationships and had a total of 5 children between the two of them. What am I doing to keep this from happening again? To stop attracting a certain kind of destructive relationship?
I am working on boundaries. Check out Boundary Boss, the new book, if you haven’t seen it yet. For those of you who give, give, give, often to the wrong person, often for far too long, without protecting yourselves and your sacred space….this one’s for YOU! It’s never too late to learn about boundaries, am-I-right?
Anywho. Thanks for listening. If you have words of encouragement or congratulations for me and David, please post them in the comments below.
And pls keep them positive. I am 100% clear about this decision. Protecting and loving myself is my path. Getting out of a toxic situation, one where I’ve tried everything, because I know deep inside my heart that I AM WORTH IT.
PS - here’s the video version of this episode in case you prefer to YouTube it. ;)